The Only Way I Can Cum Is With A Vibrator
19 and a huge supporter of sex toys. I've been using
a vibrator for a few years and successfully so...I
cum every time. Unfortunately I can't seem to get
myself off without the vibrator, nor have any guys
been able to for that matter. I've been with several
men, whom, despite their best efforts (with their
fingers, tongues, or penises) haven't been able to
get me off. I've used my toy with a few guys and
I cum while they finger me...but without it I just
can't seem to cum. What can I do, if anything? Should
I see a doctor?
for your time,
19 and eager to learn
19 And Eager To Learn:
honey... I see someone's over-stimulated their clitoris.
Bad kitty. Not you, your vadge.
are a few things you can do to begin. First, try cumming
without a vibrator. The first is to slow down the speed
and take your time. Don't rush for the big O. Let it
build and erupt. The second thing is to keep your undies
on and slowly massage your clit with the vibrator.
The third thing is to buy a really good lubricant and
apply it generously to the beave and use your fingers
to massage your clit. You can use your vibrator inside
your vadgey wadgey while doing this, but don't turn
need to retrain your body into cumming without vibrations.
You must exercise patience when doing all of the aforementioned.
It's going to take some time. Every woman is different,
so I can't tell you that in 30-days you'll be cumming
sans vibe. But, I can tell you that in time it will
happen! You have to keep the faith and be positive.
you start to cum without your vibe, you will have a
much better idea of what makes you cum and will be
able to communicate that to your partner during sex.
to seeing a doctor... it's always good to meet with
your gyno for an exam to make sure that everything
is working, and to let him or her know what's going
luck! Please keep me posted and be patient, grasshopper!
* * * *
How Can I Masturbate Without Sex Toys?
really curious about how to masturbate without the
use of any sex toys because I don't own any. Please
give me some advice. I need sexual release :)
going to take a giant leap of faith here and assume
that you are a woman. Though it's absolutely possible
you're a man, most men start gravitating towards their
third leg in the womb. That's how innate jerking off
to them is.
another long shot question for you: if you don't own
any toys, what stops you from buying them? Are we living
in purgatory? Oh sorry, I meant burqa-ville.
seriously. Why haven't you purchased toys? More importantly,
why haven't you explored your nether region dahling?
I want you to hit a few of these masturbation stories
by some of the fine literotica writers: Pussy
in the Mirror,
There are several other stories under Toys & Masturbation.
what's great about these stories: these are women who
are setting a romantic or sinfully erotic mood and
essentially walking you through the details of how
they begin to explore their clitoris and their g-spots.
The build-ups are exquisite and intense, all the while
keeping you abreast of what's getting them so hot and
soaking their snatches...
encourage you to read these stories and other stories
on Literotica in masturbation and lesbian because you
will learn so much about how to arouse and pleasure
yourself, ultimately bringing yourself to some incredible
you have any other questions, please don't hesitate
to email me back.
* * * *
Faking The Big O
have a question. I really don't know how to what
to do about this and I've never actually admitted
it to anyone because I'm so embarrassed about it.
I am 25 years old and I cannot have an orgasm during
sex. The one and only way I can come is lying on
my stomach and rubbing on my hands. I can't do it
while lying on my back and I certainly cannot do
it in any intercourse position. I'm thinking maybe
it has something to do with the fact that laying
facedown causes increased blood flow to the clitoris
by the sheer force of gravity and that's the way
my body is conditioned to have an orgasm.
course, this is such an unflattering and unsexy position
that I'd never dream of doing it in front of anyone.
This means I have been faking orgasms for the past
seven or eight years that I've been sexually active.
I KNOW it's wrong and counterintuitive, and I KNOW
I shouldn't, but believe me I have tried time and
time again to come in any other position at all.
I've tried by myself, and I've tried with a sex partner
in every conceivable manner. It just won't work.
hasn't concerned me much in the past, but I am now
married to a wonderful man and because of this I
am lying to him. Because I've been faking with him,
I can't STOP faking and admit that I am somehow orgasmically-challenged,
because then he'll know I was being untruthful. I
kept faking thinking that I would eventually teach
myself to come during sex, but I'm beginning to think
that'll never happen.
tell me - am I the only one who has this problem?
Are there other women out there whose bodies just
don't want to have an orgasm in a conventional position?
I really never minded it before - I mean, sex feels
fabulous, and I can always actually get off later
when I'm alone - but now the guilt is becoming so
intense I'm afraid I'm going to become too neurotic
to have a healthy sex life. I don't want to hurt
him by admitting my lie, because if I can't come
anyway there's nothing to be gained by telling him
the truth. What would you do if you were in this
position? Is there some how-to-make-yourself-come-like-a-normal-girl
sex manual? Should I just let my husband live in
ignorant bliss and leave well enough alone and stop
worrying? Am I really hopeless? Please help me.
Bubbie, Sugar Plum Pudding... you are as normal as
this heat wave! Millions of women can't experience
an orgasm during intercourse. And even more women can
only reach orgasms by doing very specific things. One
woman who wrote me said she could only cum while grinding
her clit on her husband's lower spine. Another woman
required her boyfriend slam his palm on her clit and
with all of his weight into it, rub reallllllly hard.
Some women, as the woman who also wrote this week,
can only cum with vibrators on very high.
woman conditions themselves to cum a certain way. it
takes a lot of work to figure out how to cum in different
ways. It also takes patience, persistence and exorcising
the fear and pressure of not Cumming.
think it's time for you to experiment with yourself
a bit. Start slowly... take a long hot bath and relax.
Get into bed, light a candle. Play a song that really
turns you on. think of the ways your husband touches
you that turns you on. act out a fantasy you have in
your head, really visualize yourself doing it. caress
your body, play with your nipples, slowly spread your
legs. Tease yourself - don't think about Cumming, think
about arousing yourself. Think about making your lips
glisten and your clit swell with anticipation. See
where that takes you. repeat after me: it's not about
the orgasm, it's about the journey. That's what you
must tell yourself over and over again.
would also buy a few toys, some spot vibes and dildos.
Check out some lubricants that heat up! that might
really turn you on!! there are wonderful Karma Sutra
reads about positions, and fabulous books on masturbation.
You can buy everything at the Literotica toy store!
want you to experiment and play.
your husband, one thing you can say to him is, I'd
like us to explore new ways to make each other (or)
me, cum. Do some research and come prepared to show
him or talk him through a few things.
first thing you have to do is get to know your body
and recondition it to reach orgasms in other ways.
respect to telling him or not, well that's ultimately
up to you. Whatever you decide will be the right decision.
It's not for me or anyone else to decide that for you.
keep me posted.
* * * *
Frustrated Husband Wanting To Keep Things Alive
am married, and trying hard to keep things alive.
I am 32, she is 29, and we've been married five years,
no kids or even the thought of kids at this time.
Our sex life is very disappointing, practically non-existent.
have done a lot to try to keep it alive, including
all sorts of small things, even waking up early to
go to the gym before work, in doing this I dropped
twenty pounds and really toned up. Nothing works,
nothing gets her going. You can imagine my frustration.
I do know there is nobody else, certain of that.
I believe I am the only one she loves and will ever
love. She is on the pill, which I blame for much
of this, but she is unwilling to get off of it. When
we do have sex it is about as exciting as a prolonged
visit with the in-laws.
a fly on the wall, she would almost seem as if she
was a holdover from the prudish Victorian era. She
is uptight and her southern Baptist roots are really
evident. I have considered trying to buy a vibe for
her, try to give some kind of spark, but that presents
a few problems. For one she does not ever resort
to self-gratification, she finds it rather appalling.
Another thing is she would probably be appalled that
I would buy such a thing or go to such a place that
would sell those.
last problem is I have been to those stores and the
online stores, and there are so many different options
for vibes it makes my head spin. I have no idea where
to start. I have read some reviews on the rabbits,
which I have found intriguing, and yet I can already
see her saying, "you want me to do what with this?" Frankly,
I can see that look with the silver bullet.
I am about ready to wipe my hands clean of any efforts,
but feel like I should at least try. I am still one
of the good guys, but that is getting more and more
difficult. Can you help me? Any advice based on the
little info I gave you would be great, but more specifically
on your advice addressing the question of vibes.
Maybe I should just spend the money on a toy for
me, I don't know.
am so sorry! it's very painful when the sexual communication
disintegrates in a relationship. It is the source of
a lot of pain for many couples. You are not alone,
dearie. Unfortunate, but comforting, don't you think?
sounds like you had a more active sex life until your
wife went on the pill. She doesn't sound too exploration
oriented, but your email does suggest hints of a former
better sex life. if that's the case, why not ask her
to go off the pill or to try a different type of contraceptive?
It's something to consider.
to your wife's prudishness... well, one of the best
ways to get someone to open up is to ask leading questions
and be a reflective listener. It's not as cunning and
cunty as it sounds.
in a non-threatening and loving tone, you want to let
her know that you'd like to talk about each of your
sexual interests and issues to figure out a resolution
and find common ground. Express your understanding
of how she might view certain things like masturbation
and vibrators as inappropriate based on her religious
make-up; also, how difficult it must've been for her
to find her own voice amidst all of that sexually repressed
noise. In other words, get her to look at her history
in a way that allows her to arrive at the conclusion
that her sexual decisions and desires are informed
by her religious background and not necessarily a true
manifestation of what she truly wants.
her to acknowledge this might take some time and more
conversation. It's not something she will necessarily
pounce on and realize.
also want to talk about your sexual desires and proclivities
in a way that she can hear you. For example: you know,
honey, I've always been curious about a (fill in the
blank) sexually. I'm a little nervous about talking
to you about it because I don't want to make you uncomfortable,
but I sure would love to share it with you.
understand, I'm not suggesting that you tip-toe around
your wife's sexual hang-ups and indulge them. No, what
I'm suggesting is finding new avenues to open the door
for communication. Because it sounds to me like you're
at the end of your rope and quite possibly might extricate
yourself from this marriage or seek outside sexual
satisfaction if things don't improve. So before all
of that happens, let's see what some new discussion
points brings to the table.
hang in. there is nothing wrong with your sexual desire
and your need to be satisfied by your wife. You need
to know that. it's very important that your marriage
fulfill you sexually as much as it does in other ways.
keep me posted and email me if you have any further
* * * *
Aspasia and Fern,
years ago I ended up going through a horribly messy
divorce (not my fault). I did not want this and begged
both the ex wife and the judge presiding over our
case to order marital counseling before granting
the divorce. Needless to say this did not happen
and she was more than determined to end our marriage.
It was heartbreaking in ways that I cannot begin
to describe to have to go to war with the only woman
I have ever truly loved in this life.
the divorce, I did have a few sexual partners, 5
to be exact and each looked very similar to my ex.
The sex was great but there was something missing,
not in them but in me. There was this emotional detachment,
an inability to truly let go in any relationship,
a total absence of the heart if you will. I had bounced
from these various sexual trysts to the next, coming
and going as I pleased.
get me wrong, I did not use these women, or treat
any of them in a bad way. I was monogamous with each.
It was when they started talking of things that indicated
the relationship was going beyond casual that I would
find myself in a real fix. I wanted desperately to
love again. I want desperately now to be married
and enjoying the partnership, companionship and love
of a wife and the family it promises to bring. Loneliness
is suffocating my life right now, but I came to the
point of realizing that to become involved in anyway
was completely unfair to any lady I might take out.
I stopped everything involving the opposite sex,
that means no sex for the past four years. That means
no dates for the past four years. Nothing for the
past four years. As bad as the loneliness is, the
guilt over hurting a beautiful and kind lady by dashing
her hopes of marriage and commitment is worse to
me. So, for quite awhile I refused to even look in
the general direction of a woman, instead I played
endless rounds of golf.
threw myself into countless hours of work in my Landscaping
business, sometimes working 48-72 hours straight,
I went back to college to finish a teaching certification,
all so I could safely occupy my time and force myself
away from the ladies. I guess you might consider
this a self imposed priesthood, a life of solitude,
but I have not found rest in the solace, instead
I find myself all the more restless and tormented.
I thought I must be ready to love again, I mean if
this is what you want in your heart, if this is what
you are desperate for, certainly you must be ready
to fall in love again, right? Wrong! Into my life
bounces this beautiful brunette who is incredible
looking. Everything any man could ever want in this
life or the next. She has the most incredible body
I have ever allowed myself to glance at. I know if
I allowed myself to pursue her, she would want to
be with me.
she has made it clear in her life she is not about
to have sex until she knows she is with the man she
will marry. Can you believe it? 25 years old, a rock
hard body, beautiful in everyway there is and she
is a virgin to boot, God can be cruel.
has done everything to put herself into compromising
positions with me. Sneaking into the house late at
night for a surprise visit in which she climbed into
the bed with me knowing I slept naked. Sitting close
to me on the couch allowing her breast to rub against
me and even encouraging me to press against her.
She will call late at night after she gets off work
to talk to me as she drives home, hinting the whole
time that nothing would make her happier than to
come over and "spend some time with me," so she could "get
have not become so blind to women that I don't realize
all I have to do is reach out to take her and she
is mine. As a matter of fact she has at one point
told me to come and get it. A direct verbal challenge
to come and take her virginity with no strings attached.
I didn't even kiss her. God help me, I wanted to
leave her walking bowlegged for the next month from
the poundings I wanted to give her. To visualize
having sex with her or fucking her is the easiest
thing in the world, in fact I do it about 4 or 5
times a day. Wanting her, that is the easy part.
Try as hard as I may, I cannot visualize making love
to her or being married to her. Whenever I try to
imagine this, I draw a blank. I simply cannot do
it. I know all I have to do is to take her. That
would solve my physical need, my lust for her body,
but that is all it would solve. In fact, in all other
cases it would simply make things worse.
a result, I moved from the place I was living and
did not give her the directions to the new house,
so no more midnight visits where she makes me want
her so badly by climbing into the bed with me. I
did not give her my new email addresses or my home
address or my home phone. She knows she may call
me whenever she wants on the cell phone and I will
always be there for her, but I had to escape the
overwhelming lust I was having for her.
haven't seen her in a couple of months. I have forced
myself into a hermit situation retreating from the
world and from her. She calls regularly and hints
about getting together or going out or even wanting
to come over to the house to see me in the middle
of the night. I politely make excuses as best I can
and then get off the phone. Her parents have even
called me asking me over for diner and "checking" in
on me to make sure I am OK.
want her very badly, I want to take her. But my feelings
are physical and lustful. She needs a man who can
love her, "give" to her and not take from her. She
needs someone who can give her his whole heart and
love her in a whole and complete way. She needs someone
who can touch her with the tender aspect of male
character and develop a physical relationship that
is based on love, mutual giving of ones self to satisfy
the needs of the other mentally, physically, and
emotionally. All it seems I can offer her at this
point is a more lecherous, lustful, taking kind of
relationship, one that would by its very nature be
doomed to failure like my first marriage.
tell me what should I do? Is there a way out of this
for me? If you can answer, I would love to hear your
do you got problems, babe. I mean huge, major FUCKED
UP PROBLEMS. This is hands down one of the best academy
award winning dramas I have ever read. Bravo, sugar.
You have rendered me in tears, clapping and bowing
in your honor.
little sarcasm never hurt anyone... levity is good
for the soul.
Sugar. Honey. Listen to mother.
marriage ended. It didn't fail. She outgrew you. it
happens. People's needs change and either you change
together like sands through the hour glass (which soap
opera did I pull that from?) or you grow apart. She's
not the right dame for you, cookie. if she were, you'd
still be together.
am BEGGING YOU to see a therapist, so that you can
take that busted up, fractured heart of yours and put
it back together again.
fact that you are still incapable of moving forward
is a big red warning that you are in an emotional crisis.
Danger, Will Robinson. Danger! (which show is that
from?) (it's all cliché's on the hottest erotica ticket
in town, isn't it?!) You are not alone! Many people
go through this. I'm sure one of the things that your
therapist will recommend is a support group that's
how common this is. you have to meet like minded men
and women struggling to put themselves back together
you deserve to be in a healthy, happy relationship.
What you are doing is tormenting yourself, behaving
like you're unworthy of happiness or perpetuating a
crazy notion that the second time around might fail
so why bother. Well, here's a newsflash... there are
no guarantees in this lifetime. So, because of that,
you're just going to give up? not even try? Man up,
Mr. entrepreneur landscape gardener!
yourself love and be loved back. Go to therapy and
don't stop until you've worked this out. Don't you
think you're worth it? I sure as shit do!
can email me to curse me out for being so abrasive.
I just want you to know that. I will still hope that
you go to therapy.