Subject: Sexual Confusion

I am a 21 yr old college student, and I am having some confusion about my sexuality. To begin with, 4 years ago, I had a sexual relationship with a male friend of mine. I moved away and that all stopped.... I suppressed my feelings.

Recently though I have had more thoughts about men, but I know I cannot come out because I'm an athlete and also most of my friends and family are homophobic. I don't believe that I am 100% gay, but I recently met a guy and he wants a relationship. He is bisexual, and 100% straight acting, he isn't out either, so I know that if I did date him, it would at least not be obvious that we were having a relationship, but also, never before had I thought of actually having a serious relationship with another guy.

My one friend who does know about me told me she considers a serious relationship to be more than being bisexual.... I am positive i still like girls, but the possibility of a relationship with another guy is very intriguing.... please share with me your thoughts on this matter.

Sincerely,
Confused

Dear Confused:

First, your head is going to explode with agida if you indulge the vacillating of "Gay? Straight? Gay? Straight?" Let the "Am I? Or aren't I" go for now. Let it wash away with the tide out to sea. Poof - It's gone.

Right now, you are 21, in college and very curious about men. To boot, there's a male in your life who's not only in a similar situation, but also very interested in exploring a romantic relationship with you.

My advice... Go for it! Be safe, be smart and explore this lovely piece of yourself with another man who has mutual adoration for you.

Lastly, your family is homophobic. That's a problem and if you realize during the course of your journey that you are gay, I am confident that you will have a network of friends to support you through it.

What I wish for you is that regardless of the outcome, you have the courage to always be yourself and never feel that anything you do (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else... without their consent of course) is wrong, bad, or dirty! Congratulations! Good luck. Happy New Year and keep me posted.

Love,
AF

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Subject: How do you know you're having an orgasm?

Is it possible to have an orgasm without an extra fluid release? How do you know if you're having an orgasm?

Help!
Clueless

Dear Clueless:

I'm going to presume, not assume, but presume that you're a woman... So, a great "I'll be damned, I'm coming" is:

Your toes are curled. Your eyes roll back inside your head. Your nipples are fully erect. Your vagina is engorged and contracting. Your screaming, "oh God. Oh, God." You're so excited you feel like you're coming out of your skin.

My darling, I have a feeling you've not reached orgasm. Is this the case? If so, I implore you and beg you to masturbate with your hands and toys.

Keep me looped and my wish for you in 2003 is that you have wild mind blowing orgasms.

Love,
Aspasia Fern

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Subject: Phimosis

Dear Fern:

I am a 21-year-old uncircumcised male, who was born with phimosis (a foreskin that is too tight to retract) I thought it was normal until recently when i looked up the condition. It causes problems during urination. It also causes trouble and pain during masturbation and intercourse. That's the reason I'm writing you with your knowledge I was wondering if you knew of any treatments for this condition in adults other than surgery.

Yours Truly,
Full metal jacket

Dear Full metal Jacket:

Interesting screen name, toots - Most apropos.

Here is some research that I found for you to check out. Please do your "due diligence before making a decision and discuss everything with your urologist. http://www.cirp.org/library/treatment/phimosis/ohjimi/ http://www.cirp.org/library/treatment/phimosis/atilla/ http://www.male-initiation.net/phimosis_treatment.html

Remember, these are all OPINIONS and options. What you want to be most careful of are educating yourself about side effects and choosing the least invasive procedure.

Good luck. I am confident that in this New Year, you will be able to get relief and a new lease on life!

Love,
ME

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Subject: Cold Sores

Dear Fern:

If I have a cold sore on my lip, is it possible, and if so, how likely is it that I will pass the virus on to him while giving him oral sex?

Sincerely,
Angel

Dear Angel:

All right, honey, here's what I found. First, if you have a herpes cold sore then you can transmit herpes to your partner during this outbreak. Conversely, if you have a canker sore, though it hasn't been proven to be caused by a virus, and are not contagious, or a sign of any other disease, if the person performing oral sex (you) has a canker sore in your mouth, and you come into direct contact with your partner's splooge, or blood, you may be increasing your risk of contracting HIV if your partner is infected.

To be extra safe, avoid oral sex when canker sores are present, or use a condom or dam during oral sex to protect each other.

Love,
ME
Happy New Year!!!!

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Subject: Am I frigid

I've heard rumors that if you masturbate with a vibrator too much you can become desensitized. So i don't know if that is part of the problem or not, but when I'm with a guy or even alone, i get right to the edge and then it just goes away, then suddenly i dry up and any trace of horniness is gone. I've been experiencing this for about 6 months or so. The one time that it was different was with my ex a few weeks ago. But that might have just been a fluke. I'm a normal healthy 20 years old, but i don't know how to handle this one.

Totally confused

Dear Totally confused:

Ok, diva, if you do masturbate with a vibrator it can diminish your clitoral sensitivity. What I suggest is that you shelf the vibrator for a spell and start masturbating with your hands and make sure that you tease and tickle your whole body, so that you can become completely aroused.

When you were with your partner and had the fluke, what was it that was different? New position? More foreplay? Less inhibited? Give that some thought, please.

I don't think you're frigid in the least. I think that you need to relax, ease up on the vibrator for a minute, explore new techniques with masturbation and with your partner.

Good luck, my darling and I wish you many happy and healthy orgasms in 2003!

Love,
Aspasia

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Subject: What to do

My wife and i have been married for 9 yrs. when we first go married she as really into sex. Oral sex was always her specialty. For the past few years now she has not been to willing to perform oral sex and very seldom sex period. Is there something here to be concerned about or should i just let this go.

Dear what to do:

Is there something to be worried about? Hmm. YEAH!!! I do love being a drama queen sometimes. I simply can't help myself...

When did the sex/oral sex change? Had there been a change in your lives? The arrival of a child, relocation, a job/career change, an indiscretion? What were the circumstances?

After you've pondered the above AND read my archives because I discuss this a lot. Talk to your wife about it. Have you addressed these issues with her? The most important thing in a relationship is communication! I want you to talk to her in a non-judgmental and loving way.

I wish for you in 2003 a once again thriving sex life for you and your wife.

Good luck Love,
AF