is a never ending work in progress TK U MLJ LV NV
Lady, I effin love your stories!! I am currently re-re-re-reading this one with a nice glass of cheap pinot noir and some not so cheap chocolate. The only negative thing I will every say about your writing is "than" and "then" are not interchangeable. I'm not one of those crazy grammar Nazis that's going to preach to you about proper sentence structure, the eight parts of a sentence and blah blah blah snore. However, I will say this when you hopefully, eventually, please ,maybe with all the kindness in your heart finsh Tempestuous remember than is used for comparisons, think "less than more than" or "Redwitch is a better witer than most" and the word then usually (but not always) refers to a point in time think "now and then", "alrighty then" or " Redwitch should start writing again then Nuerotiklyinclined would be happy :)
But do we really have to read over and over all the things that ryan did for audrey? And then read them again a couple of times? Along with the uncanny personality resemblance of ryan to his uncle? That would have cut a few pages down the story without sacrificing the overall plot.
Also jerry doing the same thing twice and getting jailed again... I think once you've made clear the personality of the character you don't need to reinforce it with superfluous situations.
Also as others comments mention, it needs consistency on the names, specially when you have lots of characters.
Law is boring and staid. Cooking is caring. Story is eccellentissimo!
Get ON it!!!
I spent some time in poland over the years and i know one thing that i know about poles ,they take family very seriously ,even if sometimes they don't like eachother very much they will allways help eachother
I think that only a pole could write a story like this,it needs allso a pole to understand it completly
As to divorced people who remarry i know a few couples that once divorced came back together after a while ,not necessarely remarry but are still together and doing very well,i think we all make mistakes and the grass is allways greener at the other side and doesn't it take great caracter to admit ones mistakes ?
THIS STORY HAD A LOT OF DIFFERENT ASPECTS TO IT. MEL KNEW SHE LOVED KEV BUT HAD TO MAKE SURE THAT SHE COULD MAKE IT ON HER OWN(TYPE A PERSON). THEY LOVED EACH OTHER UNCONDITIONALLY MEL JUST COULD NOT ADMIT IT TO HERSELF OR KEV. I HAVE READ SOME THINGS ARE MENT TO BE AND I WANT TO BE IN LOVE NUMEROUS TIMES AND I NEVER GET TIRED OF READING THEM. I KNOW THAT MEL AND KEV APPEAR IN OTHER STORIES BUT JUST A CAMEO APPERANCE. IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU HAD ANOTHER STAND ALONE STORY ABOUT MEL AND KEV.
RON TEXAS email@example.com
...it degenated into a right wing xenophobic rant. Armed guard towers, quick reaction forces, really. That's The high tech version of Hadrian's Wall. AC 130 gunships to be used to what? Execute people that want to wash dishes or mow the lawn? On 9-11 the US was attacked by19 Saudi and Egyptian hijackers that came across the Canadian border. Of course, our response was to invade Afghanistan and Iraq and build a fence on the Mexican border. There's a difference between between fiction and theatre of the absurd.
Hurry with the next chapter
until it's finished.
No, just an author who doesn't have the balls to post this in the right category. Loving Wives. Pity too so far it would have scored high.
But reading this writers previous works, a reconcile is the way it will end, and with totally confusing reasons.
Don't care if the bitch is burned, but don't make the protagonist a wimp.
so.....where is the rest?! I was actually looking forward for them to 'ya know'...lol
Very enjoyable! I must say that the comments were as entertaining as your story!
I do agree that an editor would be of great help - preferably one who is a skilled English mechanic. Just like your storied protagonist- you brought us all together with your efforts. I am grateful. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Fantastic story! Thank you for sharing it with us!
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