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Good practice at writing, I guess, but not real interesting.

Plot idea is good, but the execution, dialogue, and imagination are shallow or missing. Not a lot here to get real excited about. Her betrayal didn't make much since, unless we just accept that he fell in love with a heartless bitch. And how close could they have been if she developed a second love life to the point of marriage, with him having no clue? She misses Christmas lunch and he's not immediately on the phone or at her house to find out what's going on? His parents knew a week ago but she didn't tell him? All to implausible to be interesting.


simply amazing. with that being said....

fuck you onion cutter

Thoroughly Enjoyable Reading...

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter and look forward to reading more. Thankyou for sharing such a great story with us.

Thank you! I enjoyed your story immensely, but it seemed as though you skipped ahead quite a bit. Personally, I would have loved it if you had filled out the gaps and made this story four times as long.


HEY sometimes it better than the books and real true. TK U MLJ LV NV

Indeed, Anonymous

The Mother of the Bride is divorced and rather acrimoniously, hence was absent from the church for the ceremony, although she was in Eve's room with her chief bridesmaid while she was getting changed out of her bridal gown and into her trousseau. I needed this circumstance for the early line "notable exception" as a red herring that Eve was deceiving a partner. I envisage the Mother giving her ex-husband the space to enjoy his daughter's special day, but as the bride was departing the scene, with eyes only for her groom, the Mother was freed from her agreed or self-imposed exile. In the end the Mother could not resist catching the bouquet and engage her ex in conversation, as a hint to the reader that she still holds a candle for him and would like to be his bride once more.

Wonderful story

I wish I could this story a rating of more than 5 stars. Nicely done plot with very likable characters. The dialog between the two was also fun to read. Thanks for a great story.


Just as I expected, it was a great romance story.

I'd love to see where they go from this point.

Keep writing...... ;-)

I cried out upon learning of their deaths and was a soggy,slobbering mess to the end.Thank you...and big boys do cry!

Yes it sort of sounds like a fairy tale

Yes, a lot of girls are attracted to the "bad boys" but a lot of those unions don't survive the long haul. And not ALL girls are attracted to the "bad boys".......

Yes, he had a bunch of grammatical mistakes but the story so far has a been a good romance story albeit slow in starting up. And I'm presuming that's where the story is heading.

I think it was worth 5 Stars for his efforts and I think he should keep writing because he will get better at it with practice.

I also think he should find an editor to read over his work before he publishes it. There are many that list themselves on Lit and there are probably more who do not list themselves.

Great job on this story. I was most entertained. Thank you.

My name is Indigo Montoya, you kill my father...

It's funny, I ADORE that movie and never even thought to connect it to this story...you obviously have great friends! Whatever last name you give this family, I can't wait to see how this all plays out. Those two old bitches got some hella comeuppance on the way, but I don't think it'll mean what he thinks it means LOL

Great stuff as usual, you get all the stars I'm allowed to give.

Name switch...

Yeah. I changed it from Montoya to Monyenegro because a friend of mine started making fun of that name and I found I couldn't keep using it without thinking "Princess Bride"-lol! Good movie, in case no ones heard of it, but unrelated to my story.
Gabriel's revenge: that will be addressed further along...the why.

I'm a little disappointed....

I was hoping it would end with John capping himself after the talk with Pat, they'd find his body days later.

And that Ester would succumb to cancer. That way, two sad souls could fly.

But Blue? Freakin' awesome story!

Further more

There was a certain dificulty reconciling her initial reaction with the opinion of his work that she expressed. She should have had felt that it was an opportunity to correct him.

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