Colleen died in 2006, so if it's incomplete (which I don't think it is), it's going to stay that way.
Thats what this story was..I mean is..I mean is currently...heck with it! You know what I mean!
It was fun to read all the way through and I enjoyed it. I don't even like wrestling and I enjoyed it. Good job.
I like the amount of detail added, there was just enough to get the whole picture, but at the same time it glossed over enough so that the reader didn't have to go through all the nitty gritty at the same time.
Several of the comments call this story a primer. I call it an object lesson. It just confirms in me, that deep down inside...I could never get into the lifestyle. Please, do not confuse that statement with me condemning it at all! Whatever makes people happy let them enjoy it and everything, "So that it harm none, do as thou whilt." and all that. I have read several differnet storys and spoken to many peple who enjoy it is all. This story has clinched it. I am not cut out for BDSM.
Have to admit, some parts of it do seem like fun! LOL
All this to say, good story, surprised at the low rating. Hope you continue writing more. I find your stories to be both educational, titilating, and they make me think. Darn you for the last one! I don't read these stories so I have to THINK! :-)
Haha pretty funny
The thesis of a whole family of erotic funsters is light and spicy and quite stimulating. The story starts off a little repetively as was mentioned in a previous comment. But it moves swiftly and smoothly into the core of the story and leaves me really curious about this new game.
Truly enjoyed this when I first read it in April 2013 and made a notation to remind myself to follow it to completion. Now, 17 months later, I suspect this is as complete as it's going to get, so I will strike it from my list. Given how I felt about this story then and after my re-read today, it would be unfair to let my disappointment at the hanging conclusion shape my rating number, so I simply won't pick a star. In the end, the only one who has to be satisfied with the work is the author.
This story really convinced me that the male character was a very hot hot man and made me wish he could do me ...more than once
The writing, plot, characterizations, and sex were all top-notch, but the thing that lifted this into a category by itself was the reality-paced narrative showing the gradual understanding the kids developed of the complexities of adult life. No simple lust and revenge or remorse tale, the way this story covered adultery, consensual cuckoldry, and real medical issues in the spectrum of sexual/relationship issues in marriage was just brilliant.
A well written story, although sometimes a little rambling; I find the American male phsyquie a little peculiar, if the way you write about it is to be believed. Never the less it makes for a good story. Well done
That was fantastic... It's been a while since I've seen anything this good, that is such a fantastic interpretation of something so well known... You've done really well, and I can't say enough about it... I'm definitely going to be watching for more of the same.
Welcome back from your self imposed, or life imposed absence. A Great story and now just waiting for "It Was Only a Blowjob" to get finished. Glad you're back writing again.
I don't know how you do it. Well, I got an idea on how you do it, but still...I cannot replicate it! :-) We need to find a way to bottle your ability to combine humor and sweetness together. You could make a fortune in selling it to aspiring writers. You find a way to combine those two elements and you still mix in believeability. I am reading this story and it feels like it is something that happened in real life and not just the fertile imagination of the author. Kudos to you.
I too was very upset with that scene; for crying out loud, a CAKE knife?! If someone goes after my wife (and life!) I can guarantee at least a 9 inch Bowie. And what's with the poke and go. Obviously you didn't intend to kill him; so why didn't you at least take out a knee and mess up his face. I'll bet that motherfucker was after another man's wife inside of six months. Please please pay no attention to the meddling liberal do-gooders that are scared shitless of the idea that the people they're always fucking with would actually take responsiblity for their lives and defend their rights.
I don't think I have read a bad story of yours, in fact I know I haven't. You tapped into to some pain that I related to in many ways and were able to force me to abandon my dislike of a couple who kept tearing one another down and route for love. Well done, and I hope to continue to see more of your work
Warning: My comments will tend to be harsher than complimentary. It is meant to help. I hope that by identifying what *didn't* work for me, the author might have some insight into areas of improvement, so far as one reader's opinion goes. I didn't read the other comments, until composing my own.
* First impression during and after the read. *
" . . . out of place in frugally furnished room." I think you're missing a 'the' between in and frugally.
Need to say this. Pet peeve of mine are first paragraphs with errors. You'll often lose me as a reader. If you can't get the first paragraph right . . . . In this case it's your first sentence. The other one was given to you.
" . . .low and surround by two large . . ." Surrounded, not surround.
Second sentence, second mistake. You definitely would have lost me as a reader.
"Once again he looked slowly taking in every little nuance." Awkward sentence, probably should have the word 'around' either before or after slowly.
" . . . sometimes like now; it drove him to distraction." - I think this would be better punctuated as: sometimes, like now, it drove him to distraction.
" . . . she ran away with mandolin player . . ." with 'a' mandolin player, perhaps?
Starting to wonder about this guy and this relationship. She leaves him for a month with another guy in a hippy colony, and he takes her back? WTF? And he calls it a flirtation? Buy the guy a dictionary.
" . . . held some cache but the . . ." I think the word you're looking for is cachet.
" . . . was barely with his means had had meant . . ." I think you meant within, not with, and you have one too many 'had's here.
Starting to understand a little of their issues. She's a flake. He loves her. They're from two different worlds.
Scary how weak-willed this guy is. She leaves, takes the child, has an affair, and it's just another day. Sad.
I'm getting pissed at the daughter. He's miserable, and they're laughing at him? What is the deal with the games.
So it's a game? Was it always a game? Honey is grown up, and the wife had an affair when she was a baby - is it 20 years later? Twenty years of this crap?! The man has the patience of Jonah, or the spine of a jellyfish.
Alright, where's the rest? I mean, seriously, that can't be the end. You must have forgotten to submit it or something. This isn't an open ending, it's a fail.
Too bad, despite a lot of editing issues, it was an interesting story, different, and engaging. You managed to make me feel and take sides, which is good. I wanted to know what was happening. Unfortunately just as you got me totally engaged, you dropped the ball.
As for the items, for all it means in this story they could have been a rock, a pickle and a dump truck. The hanky had some tie in, but a butter knife?
* Favorite Elements *
Interesting, different plot. Good character development on the part of the husband.
Engaging, and kept me wondering.
* Issues *
Need some editing. That and an ending. Ok editing, ending, and a spine for the husband. And maybe new locks for the house.
Frustrating. It could have been a very interesting, compelling and engaging story. It's a third of one.
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