And you wrote this your way. Audio delivery was top class, too. In fact, a neat package all round. Now where's the box?
Haha reminds me of my girlfriend, damn some girls are nasty!
Wow, I didn't realize you were there when he had me for the first time! Great and funny expression of the first dive into sex.
I usually do not follow poetry, let alone non erotic poetry. But after your audio story a few weeks ago, I found myself wanting to her more of your voice. Your voice is a smooth and flowing as the words you write.
Did your way get all the treasure to their destination in one piece? I suspect so
I am a guy, I did the deflowering and my gf of the time was brave enough to say, "That wasn't too good for me." She did add however, "We need to practice. Lots!" and we did and I reckon I got better, we both did.
Thank you for a really clever poem.
I really enjoyed the poem, and your voice is perfect for it. I felt the reading, however, was too rushed. Still, high marks!
Same old story? I agree about the lines quoted by 12, though. And I like this one, too: "tying my mind to his urgency".
If I were permitted to play with this one I would change 'mouldable' to mailable for the layers of meaning as well as for the IMO better sound of the word.
The double use of each bothers me as well I would change the second line beginning with each to 'of stunning beauty'. Again layers of meaning.
I'm more reluctant to share changes I'd make to poetry just because subtle word changes can change the feel of the piece but in this case I couldn't resist. Hope you understand it's coming from a place of sharing rather than critique.
The last for lines save this from mediocrity. If the rest were as good it would be at least a 4 and possibly a 5. As it stands a decent 3.
Loved the lines...
raise a glass to procrastination
And clink to that somnolent state
We'll rejoice in our foibles and missteps
'til there's no more whiskey to pour.
The next to the last line doesn't quite fit. Since it sounds like she/he's in the process of ending the dry spell something like...
My/our dry spell had lasted too long.
Would work better.
I liked the poem but the audio seemed too fast and unfeeling. I was expecting a slower sultry delivery to match the text and was therefore a bit jarred and put off by the audio.
I like well done spoken word poetry but you lost me with the heavy breathing and I couldn't even finish. It may be a decent poem and I wish you would have put the text so I could have read it first. If the poem was good enough I may have been able to fully listen to the audio. I dislike Leonard Cohen's singing voice but his lyrics and poetry are so good that I listen to him anyway to get the additional emotional layer.
I liked it, the "release the hounds" made me chuckle as I sometimes refer to breasts as puppies. My issue is a small simple one, of where it should be off. Other than that I thought it was good. I wish I could say what kept it from being more than just good but I'm afraid I got nuttin'.
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