I really hoped that Jay had some kind of immunity to the virus (something to do with the numbess/tingling) and that once reanimated he would have had a little more control of himself along with some of his memories. Anyway I still enjoyed it as it was. Id hate to be on my own on an island for.the rest of my life like Emily though!! Any chance of another 5 chapter sequel??
A lovely pulp detective story that is gritty, beautiful , badass storytelling with wonderful characters loved to the very end. Can't wait for the next part of this story..
Wonderful writing. Loved the twist in the end, and honestly, i would have loved to know what exactly happened to them...
Hoping for a sequal soon. amazing story
Love this mate and I'm starting to think my theory is right about Verdi and getting weak....or weaker Hmmmm
Also talk about a variety of ways to go.....death by hot spider kiss......wow blow my mind mate (insert joker here) now the guy that survived would like to have him around as well to if it's possible Dervish or whatever his name was like his calmness and open mindedness without being forced on him. (although his lack for the love of sex is a sad sad thing)
I think Phil might actually HAVE died or mostly died and and Verdi gave him some of her soul or something even more (Taboo) that might cost Verdi her life or power and Eer body is losing there minds (input ledger/joker here) over it and since Rosa is a hot head and Vedi's soul sister she is gana be PISSED hence why she would spit fry Phil
This is a fine story. What made it less entertaining was the large number of punctuation mistakes, syntax errors, and structural run-ons. What some might assume were misspellings I recognize as OK but remember that writing is essentially composing. If you want an outstanding composition every note must be placed and timed correctly, proofed, and occasionally embellished. Don't fail to have a spelling and grammatical checker if you don't have a proofreader. Concentrated on imagery and the cadence/rhythm of your paragraphs. Use a Thesaurus/Dictionary. There's potential here for greatness but it will take WORK.
Does Cέrμləa exist beyond it or something? It's like she exists in multiple dimensions or something (one of them being this one)
Chicago! Porny sex! Badass women! This is bread and butter for our stories, so you had me right at the start. This novel was insanely well plotted, action packed, and honestly really moving. The sex scenes were really exciting and unpredictable until the very end. l think it's safe to say that I'll be reading everything that you write from this point on. My wife and I plan to read Love Without Limits together, I told her about the plot (and that it's a true stry) and she is in :)
Main tip, let the story flow a bit more. The story's approach to sex mirrors Heuw's own: brief, jarring, and distant. Biggest rule in writing is show, don't tell. Follow that and you'll be gold.
She needs to get out that car right now! I understand that she is a docile person, but for her to go along with this guy that tormented her seems unbelievable.
This is more of a scene than a story but again so what. Well written and leaves me wanting more.
I love your writing! Keep them cards 'n letters comin'!
You over used the word "pussy", it was sexy at first but then it just stared getting annoying. I would say more but I didn't finish the story due to it being so dull...
I recommend reading other stories by pro writers on here just so you can have a good look on how to dull out the dullness on future stories of yours.
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