I should have read what others wrote first. The Unoriginalist got it. This was half a story. We never got Robert's story. That's where this story failed.
Of course this was a five; it's too well written, but...it sort of reminds me of a movie where this girl exploits a shy introverted guy. She gives him a beautiful makeover, but in the end he discovers it was just a part of an art project. She was a complete phony. Though she acknowledges at the end she does love him he's still utterly devastated. He's been used. His faith in others, his own sense of self worth are in ruins.
I read this story. I recognized the scams, but the end, somehow I felt like I'd been scammed.
Honestly, I'm a Hallmark kind of guy. I relish happy endings. When I finish my current real work project I'm going to work extra hard. I have six 'troubled wives' stories I've outlined. I have to find a way to make up for the empty feeling I have right now.
I did not like this story it seemed to go nowhere and focused on a mean spirited woman and a weak man. As I read this story I realized that I knew someone in real life that viewed women and men the same way as this author. Her name was Audry and she was a man hating dyke. She thought that women should be able to do anything they wanted without thought about right and wrong without responsibility or consequences. While men could controlled and manipulated with sex and tears. The points of view of this author and the man hating dyke are so similar that I it has started me wondering about Matt Moreau. I think this authors bio is a bigger work of fiction their stories, I would not be at all surprised if the authors real name was Matilda or Matty.
If I'd known that this was a wronged-husband-gets-his-revenge-a-thousand-times-o ver story, I wouldn't have wasted my time
False pride, arrogance, low self image, poor decision making skills; on and on.
Somewhat exasperating reading.
Just look at my earlier comment!
But your drivel has a whiney, "I just love her too much not to take her back" quality to it.
This kills the fun and fantasy of an otherwise sort of decent story by never showing even a prehensile similarity to justice for her abuse, arrogance, infidelity, cruelty, stupidity and outright whore-bitch mentality.
"Des, I love him." Really?
The set up was pretty good, the initial response was almost typical, but it went badly down hill from the arrest onward.
That second half of the story utterly ruined it.
Peyton deserved better than he got and Des deserved far more than she got.
The kids, nearly mindless. Again, too bad.
A little more effort on editing will take you from the "nearly there" to "far better than most" ratings for style and technicals. A rating you're certainly capable Og, but you've got to let go of the wussy hubby characters. Or at least show what shit their lives are for the next 15 years because of the broken trust and her unbearable insolence, disrespect and cowardice.
Oh, and try writing less drivel....
This was the best ending to this story of all I read!
I hate wimp faggot husbands."Oh I know she is a selfish lying baby killing Cunt but Iove her." What a faggot! She has to be humiliated at the very least. If hubby had any balls he would have told Everyone! Fuck her! But it's just another wimp coward husband story.
doesn't mean they're family... I've family who are blood that I'd be less inclined to help then family who are family by choice.
And the daughter isn't mad at her mother JUST because of what she did to her father... There's also the choosing the boy toy over her daughter...
I really hate how people who are married keep thinking "I've got to do what's right for me." when once you've married you've effectively said "I'm a we now" and you should be doing what's right for the pair of you... selfish bitches and pricks think like that and deserve whatever crap storm comes their way.
I know you've been unfaithful to me with Mr. big dick Black, but hey, that's OK.
Well, y'see when I found out, I was really pissed! But now I'm OK.
Because you and he are going away for a long time. The other night when they arrested him, he implicated you and the police are on the way.
Oh, and one other thing. During the weeks you and Mr. big dick Black were humping like ferrets after he bankrupted you, you stupid, bitch.....well I'd had enough and oh...this is Marla. We'll be keeping company from now on. The kids adore her and we're getting married as soon as our divorce is final....let's see....that'll be about four months from now.....and (handing her THE envelope) you've been served.
As the doorbell rang, she fell to the floor in tears. Ten minutes later, I called my dad to tell him Marla and I would be by to pick up the kids shortly.
The trip to Disnay world was going to be a great time for all four of us. I for one, really needed the vacation. And Marla, my former hot lab tech, now fiancé, was ready to take our relationship to a whole new level.
The two others?.....not so much.
And interesting comments. All things considered, perhaps it is a little wordy, but CV did create a couple of very interesting characters. I wouldn't mind a couple of sequels.
Nicely done, could use a bit more editing with a bit of grammatical polish, but all in all a fine job. Do please ignore these nattering ninnies who can only get their jollies bashing someone else. I quite believe none of them have ever been laid before, and it does show, doesn't it? A solid 4 stars for you.
Fucking faggots deserved to be stoned till death per the Islamic way. Author - you are a fucking cripple demented asshole who deserves to die to further alleviate the downfall of the human IQ status.
FM, who are you? I really liked this one! More please!
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