It's his cluelessness that the other characters have mistaken for cold, calculating scheming that forms the basis of the story. If he ever found out he'd get upset and it would ruin the whole gag.
For the read.
Write about a wimpy male bimbo.
The wife cheats on the husband. He throws her out as he should. He finds refuge in another woman, okies. Then the man, being no better than the cheating slut he got rid of does what? He cheats on the woman he got pregnant that is living with him. So what if they're not married, it looks like a committed relationship to me.
This is not a story I enjoyed, there were no "good" characters with the possible exception of Miranda. Definitely not going to be one I reread.
Sorry Stang this one fails for me.
He still came out with the crappy end of the stick.
He was humiliated in front of everyone.
I like a strong primary character, Grant was such. I despise a cheating spouse, Dana fits that bill. The addition of the cruel viciousness of high school resonated with me. Of course I had a dream girl I was too shy to approach, much less talk to in school so that brought back bitter sweet memories as well. I fall firmly into the BTB category, reconciliation after being cheated on is too ridiculous to entertain seriously. All in all, a well written story with enough pathos too stick in my mind for along time. My third reading and I'll be back again in a year or so.
5 Stars because I can't find the 10 Star button!
Please, if you cannot get an advisor on American culture and idiom just make your story take place in Mumbai. Your dialog and cultural assumptions make your story feel alien.
Now, a poll on removing Anonymous.... or perhaps, more to the point, expiring anonymous comments... give them 6 months, and then automatically erase them.
That would be nice.
What she needs is a psychologist and several months worth of counseling and possibly some antidepressants. If she won't go that route, then Neville is doing the right thing by leaving, because if he tries to bring her home she will almost surely turn into the loveless harridan she says she's trying to keep away from him.
Nice and concise, but as suggested previously, more detail from her perspective would be good. Best of luck in future writings.
What a fine short story! A very well written tale which was well edited, with excellent grammar, spelling and punctuation, and a great little plot twist, too. Had to give you 5 stars on this one, no doubt about it. Write on, Shared Beauty, write on!
I would ensure the scalpel or whatever blade made the strategically placed incision was left in her hand....with her fingerprints and his blood all over it. Let HER spend the next 20 years-to-life behind bars, knowing she didn't do the murder, but she IS paying for her crime!
What a complex, multi-layered tale. You've created characters here who are likeable in a range of ways, and some who are quite the opposite, again in a range of ways. For me, this was a fascinating, compelling read which I suspect will rattle around in me for a bit. Thank you for sharing your considerable talent.
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