to play with it, I won't.
I looked up Felicity, on google, yeah I'd be pissed too.
5ed, glad you showed up, wasn't planning on coming over.
Something bothers me about void, must be brooklyn, there may be too many none use words here
will get that out of the way, and it is a pleasure
possible rethinks: silently and alone, need both?
A memorial to last...You are probably doing to much of this, I like memorializing if the cup was flung
There's a cursive coffee stain - I like somewhat suggestive
minor nits, pick what you want
Very nice thoughts and progression. Particularly like "my place getting farther and farther away until I can barely see the crown I once nearly touched," but not sure what the last two & a bit lines mean or give - relic?,aspic?, felicity?
Also greatly like the photo on your biography. Eventually came to the conclusion it wasn't of you. I think the name printed on it gave me a clue.
I don't mind the sex of an angel. Basically they are spirits to me BUT I had to personify the angel and I definitely didn't want to call them 'it'. I chose a feminine sex to create a mother-child theme which is more beautiful and tender than a father-child theme (to me).
Fights. I don't think my partner and I have ever had one last overnight, but we have come close. The line "The air still prickly with your reasoning" is especially fine.
anonymously curiousflower. My inbox could do with filling...
You tell a story in a very clear and expressive way. In my opinion (all I have) this is very good indeed.
I particularly liked the thought, wording and juxtaposition in "The air still prickly with your reasoning,
open window adds to the cold"
I have one minor quibble with 'memorialising'. The meaning seems excellent but the word, one of only two non normal usage words, jars slightly. Cursive on the other hand accents the beginning.
The best that I've read from you thus far.
The exclamation points are unnecessary and distracting, like somebody shouting when everything is calm.
Should you ever happen to do a rewrite - consider starting it with her birth. Then you will have the rise and fall from the very beginning to the very end of her life.
I am automatically turned off by religion, but so long as it provided guidance and social coherence in the past, it did its good.
Your poem does too!
By the way, have the theologians finally decided on the sex of angels?
Another good one!
Something is never nothing.
Ashesh9 covered all else I could say.
Reading this, I immediately sympathize with the hero and with everything he says, but my mind went strait to the Roman poet with whom I am not well versed. Please, excuse my ignorance, Which Horatio do you mean?
Your choice of words is magic! It takes me away in the past and in the future, it scares me a little but it gives me more hope. Thanks.
of lowering clouds, strong , threatening & stark .........
these Gothic clouds always transport this reader into the charmed Horrors of Transylvania of my unfettered imagination !! thnx for sharin' Dem : 5-ed .
Like butters said that beauty can be in the imperfections, for myself it is rather the placements of the imperfections.
I gave the 5 ratings not because of the beauty because I saw no imperfections,
it was rather for your technique and clarity of the imagery presented.
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