creates the bonds of terra. TK U MLJ LV NV
Hold On I'm Coming. TK U MLJ LV NV
and if, will you serve TK U MLJ LV NV
Ash - and more power to ya!
Smiling faces without condescension
Accepting of this black sheep there.
Family warmth, family missed
For me to understand what you were discussing. But ya know, Trixie, it works in the most literal sense as well,making it even better. I'll make my own score: 12
goes far and wide and brings back such interesting gems. I can almost see them talking
Greens are green and quality cannot be judged from a distance - You might be looking at my lawn. Wonderful descriptions, I liked this one a lot.
This lush wetness is not unlike a far-off hillside shantytown;
scale may be a little skewed...
The sun is far too seldom out to make an impact on the crop; all it wants
is nothing but a little bit more warmth.
Do you want a hug?
is a little awkward, not typical in english i.e. sadistic
"Fuck Android" chorus is a hoot
William of Orange stanza has me thoroughly perplexed
it wasn't corn, turn the score on
of which I know little about, except they became extinct, leaving furniture behind. So if that is it - good end here.
5ed of course.
this is a tired troupe, but buried nicely. The rhyme shows signs of organization,
Title is important to me. Jokes have an unfunny side - remind me of clowns.
I never thought the poem was about church or religion at all but about delusion or self deception. 'Church of Smoke and Shitful Sorrows' is a great line. I agree with Greenmountaineer about 'assplug', it's not needed. The contrast between 'wipe your ass, wipe your eyes, dainty (daintily?) gloved' is more effective on its own. Don't know whether 'issue like froth' is the best phrase but can't think of a better. The last line and a half loses me a bit . But still worth a six.
. . . and that was an interesting, if, sad opening submission.
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