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Latest 15 Reader Comments

nice story

I just wish the language wasn't so stilted. It seems mechanical, almost robot like.

You have to consider the source...

... of an anonymous negative comment. Any decent writer here will sign his / her comment, good or bad. I do read all comments on my work, good and bad, but anonymous rants go directly where they belong... in the closest circular file.

As for those that didn't like a particular portion of a story... well if we were perfect writers we'd be out there making millions instead of here now wouldn't we?

I recently came across your page and will continue reading in hopes of improving my own stories.


It is an enjoyable story

But you do need to a bit more editing and research. Finally the hero is too perfect.

I think we readers are fortunate for your ability to escape a tricky situtation :)

I can understand why you fell for a strong and strapping policeman that saved you from a 'crushing death' and becoming a statistic in the World Series information. Ladies can do the same with a man and I want to believe there are women who want the mercenary life of a paid soldier. Knowing a little of your background Susan, I find it a bit alarming you were swept in by such an abuser and threatening person. Men, like myself are coy, manipulating and mean to get what they want-some feel they need the power to be a man, while others are only looking for a release into the golden triangle. A trophy so to speak. As I mentioned before Robert was only into himself and making his ego inflate. Susan, you are lucky to get away and you have the patience of a saint to be holed up in the Mennonite village-there is a 'white knight' out there for you. Whether you have your own children or just work or volunteer somewhere where your caring and love can be felt will be satisfaction for you. Better days are ahead. Your 5 star talents as a writer-Literotica or other subjects shine everytime you are at a keyboard. Something else to remember is how much joy and pleasure you bring into your readers minds and sometimes equally secluded lives. We all are not the 'typical wanker' reading erotic literature. Thanks for the Black Friday smiles! I know this life you have illuminated....:) Smiling Jaybird :)


an interesting prologue.
What might be coming has me a bit frightened.

keep it coming, great read, hanging for more,

A great story...

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter. It's a great story. Thank you.

Enjoyed it!

Well written, please dont end it here.

that is not how you spell "through"

jesus wept, I only got halfway through page two and had to stop. Thru is not a word. use a real word, please!!! Every time I saw "thru" it jerked me out of the story.

Thought provoking and way too real, this story is even a bit scary for me :)

The words written here I have no doubt are factual, I smile,even laughed but also felt the hairs stand up on the back of my neck and shed some great crocodile tears because a friend was being taken advantage of and was led down a path of false hope by someone she had professed her love to. It's my observation SJP was just a female for a man to take out his sexual desires on, to express how he was there to protect her but in reality had a hard time of letting anyone pierce the shinny coat of ego and self fascination he had. Makes me wonder why those with an abusive background go for those who physically, mentally or monetarily abuse them all the more. At least Susan was smart enough to get professional help to overcome the depressing situation. Being a person who has known since they were 12 that I'd not be capable of providing a family to that special lady, I have always emphasized this very early in a relationship as to not cause any hard feelings or false hope. To have a vasectomy on the sly tells me they were not interested in a positive relationship at all.
It will be interesting to see what the continuation brings, for chapter one, it's entirely deserving of the 5 stars given along with being a favorite. Great entry Susan-more please! Smiling Jaybird :)


is a never ending work in progress TK U MLJ LV NV

Lady, I effin love your stories!! I am currently re-re-re-reading this one with a nice glass of cheap pinot noir and some not so cheap chocolate. The only negative thing I will every say about your writing is "than" and "then" are not interchangeable. I'm not one of those crazy grammar Nazis that's going to preach to you about proper sentence structure, the eight parts of a sentence and blah blah blah snore. However, I will say this when you hopefully, eventually, please ,maybe with all the kindness in your heart finsh Tempestuous remember than is used for comparisons, think "less than more than" or "Redwitch is a better witer than most" and the word then usually (but not always) refers to a point in time think "now and then", "alrighty then" or " Redwitch should start writing again then Nuerotiklyinclined would be happy :)

Ok story

But do we really have to read over and over all the things that ryan did for audrey? And then read them again a couple of times? Along with the uncanny personality resemblance of ryan to his uncle? That would have cut a few pages down the story without sacrificing the overall plot.
Also jerry doing the same thing twice and getting jailed again... I think once you've made clear the personality of the character you don't need to reinforce it with superfluous situations.
Also as others comments mention, it needs consistency on the names, specially when you have lots of characters.

Great story

Law is boring and staid. Cooking is caring. Story is eccellentissimo!

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