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English
Latest 15 Reader Comments
nice story, decent ending
but I'll still to my #1 rule of work:
never play where your paycheck comes from
Great story but I hate this limbo! Are you planning to do any more chapters and perhaps you might post a comment on if we can expect one? Please!
You are brilliant
I need to read on, I'm loving this so far, I can't imagine where this will go next, but I'm about to find out, lol.
Yikes.
I still don't know how I feel about story...
Decent story, but please get an editor
These two lines are an example of things being out of sync....
"Smile, Fiona," said Susan. "It was just a joke."
"Well you wouldn't be smiling if it had been you," grouched Susan.
TORRID
Totally and terrifically torrid!
wrong shes at fault
She is the one at fault she should compromise
I like the first chapter but its progressing a bit too fast if Ethan and Veronica are going to be the main characters in this story.
It's the Baby
If it Die's Miley will feel Responsible and get Depressed and have a hard time forgiving herself.
Oh no!
I want Janey and Logan to patch things up! :(
enjoyed
Really liked the story. please write more, but read them through for the niggling spelling errors .
Good Effort
A good start with room for improvement.
Punctuation is an issue. There are missing and misused commas and at least one missing apostrophe.
"Prize" in the first paragraph is wrong -- the correct word is "prise."
The biggest issue is the description of things which the narrator has no way of knowing or seeing. His partner has been asked to remain silent, so how does he know that she wants to curl her toes but doesn't intentionally arch her back? A line explaining the pair's past experience together would easily justify the narrator's intimate knowledge of his partner's responses.
This story might read better from the female point of view.
Hope that helps.
work on your intro
Almost didn't get to the good stuff - just starting out with the old married for 7 years crap - it's such a turn off. Take a look at any good book, and setting the stage with sterile intro's ain't it. Start it off with girlfriend crying on wifey's shoulder - wifey comforting as she hears what a bastard he was; start out with hubby talking about those wonderful double D's, and how he'd like to look/feel/titty fuck them. Turn the intro INTO your story, not just some stray words that semi explain what we should be thinking.
After that it gets hot, great job.
You screw that close to home you are bound to get caught. And seriously Will is practically begging to get caught. He is racing across the street prodding Alex for another go...they deserve each other.
GOOD - WONDERFULL
One of the bests histories I have read.