Switch Space

Test.. One Two... Test... Sibilance... Check...

Okay, we're on the air here at K-LIT with a new talk program, called "Switch Space". We'll take caller's questions, offer our own viewpoints, and hopefully help our listeners come to terms with the idea that they don't quite fit into a pigeonhole. unless "iconoclast" is a pigeonhole. I'll try and get some expert panelists involved, since I'm still looking for Miss(tress) Right, and as the voice of enthusiastic inexperience; I fully expect others to shoot me down when I'm full of it. We're ready for our first caller....

You look great in your new surroundings, SpectreT!!!

Thanks for the compliment.

I hope our ratings justify our new studio.

Oh what joy,

here in Switch Space to find more like me. Would you believe that I spoke with someone recently who proclaimed themselves to be a skilled Dom who did not know the term "switch"? That let me know right away that he was in fact a pretender and could not handle me.

Thanks SpectreT for starting this one.

Dawn

EXCELLENT job taking the bull by the horns, T, and getting this immediately important and interesting topic off the ground immediately.

Will you please tend to this thread?

And, if the general consensus is to mine the monster thread for info we will post here (see my thread on the matter), will you please please do that for this topic?

Re: Oh what joy,

Georgia Girl said:

here in Switch Space to find more like me. Would you believe that I spoke with someone recently who proclaimed themselves to be a skilled Dom who did not know the term "switch"? That let me know right away that he was in fact a pretender and could not handle me.

Thanks SpectreT for starting this one.

Dawn

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In defense of the graceless Dom, he was probably too high from sniffing the ink off his own press sheet to notice that others play a little different.

Experience does not quite correlate to skill; there will be some talented beginners, and some thumb-fingered bubbleheads who've been playing for quite a while, who've never done their homework.

The Beast's recommendation for this is to get the offenders to read the Monster at the rate of ten pages per day. I know it'll be tough on them, but I made it through thirty at one sitting just so I'd be up to speed when I started posting, about thirty pages ago...

Okay, enough of the denigration and smart-assedness toward the poor uninformed Dom.

cym, I'll start tunneling through the main thread in an hour or so, blasting out chunks of raw switch ore for the information of the public. I'd still like Risia's help with this one: get an experienced voice to help me out , or call me on the carpet when I'm shovelling my own BS out there on some poor soul who wants info.

okay i reckon i may be a switch? is that right or is it a switcher? but i would really appreciate some definition of terms

- and pleeeease don't ask me to read the monster thread - my head goes all wobbly when i try!!

(looking all bashful and hoping for some kind master or mistress to explain it to me)

I have commented on the other switch thread but it is important.

A switch is switching from Dominant to sub and return, some women sub to men but Domme to women. That in itself is interesting?

Nessus said:

I have commented on the other switch thread but it is important.

A switch is switching from Dominant to sub and return, some women sub to men but Domme to women. That in itself is interesting?

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thanls thats mopre or less what i thought - okay i'm in then. i've always found it difficult to 'label myself'
after reading the 'after reading the switch space thread' thread i realised that i had had a lot of flack from people over the years for refusing to identify like this - i get the same kinds of flack for refusing to identify as staight or gay - i reckon a bisexual switcher must be one of the last few 'unnaceptable' things to be!!

petrel said:

i reckon a bisexual switcher must be one of the last few 'unnaceptable' things to be!!

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There is nothing that is unaceptable, I think?:0

It does depend on the relationship, the understanding between the two,

Hi SpectreT, Nessus, et al

And what exactly is different about a bi-sexual switch ..

... compared to a strictly homo- or heterosexual switch?

I admit I have never thought about that to be different from any other sexual orientation switch ... *looks puzzled*

this is the only place where I've met a woman who I would consider topping me. I'm sure it's because I don't run in the right circles.

As I've said, I don't have much experience with the reality, only the scene.

I think Nessus had a point when she said that it depends on the relationship.

My relationships to date, Men top me, I top women. I never considered the possibility of another woman topping me, but this place has a way of ingraining fantasy that makes you want it.

I'm babbling, I think.

I agree fully Perky, I'm the same way. I have only just encountered a female with the personal strength of will and character that I would allow to top me. We shall see where they may lead. Interesting nonetheless.

Dawn

mined from the monster thread

mined from the monster thread - and yes i should have read it before asking my question on here earlier but as i found it i thought it might be useful to have it sitting in here too for other idiots like myself who can't figure out the simplest thing!!
(i think it was our lovely cymbidia who posted it - thanks again)

Very few people who identify as (call themselves) Dominant will switch, or if they do, it’s in such limited circumstances they may as well never switch.

Someone who identifies as submissive is the opposite. If someone calls themself a submissive, asking them to dominate you is pretty much a lost cause. It's their nature to submit, not to dominate.

It’s not interchangeable for most people.

If someone can go either way, even on occasion, they will likely refer to themselves as a switchb. A switch may be a gender switch, which means that they are submissive to one gender and dominate the other. They may be a situational switch, which means that in some situations they are dominant and some submissive, or it may all depend on how they perceive their partner. It also may depend on their mood at any particular time.

Switches are not people who can’t make up their mind. They are people who can enjoy either side of the Power Exchange. However, switches aren't the most common players. Most people are either dominant or submissive.

Men who address submissive women with “yo, bitch, on your knees” are demonstrating total cluelessness. Just because a woman is submissive never ever means that she’s going to be submissive to you.

If someone generally unknown to you insists “On your knees, NOW bitch,” they've only made it clear that they not only know nothing of real world BDSM, but that they are unlikely to have any respect for you as a submissive.

Submissive men and women are some of the strongest people on earth because we can give our entire will to the person of our choice. The key phrase here, however, is Person Of Our Choice. We decide to whom we wish to offer our submission. Always. It cannot be forced from us. It cannot be guilted from us. Either it[s a gift of love and trust or it's outside the boundries of BDSM and into the realm of non-consent. There is no middle ground in this matter of submission.

For all of us in this lifestyle, always, the only overriding motto that binds us together at all is this: Safe Sane and Consensual. BDSM is not about abuse. It's about people doing things to other people, and everyone involved wanting to be involved. It's about the expression of our sexuality in a safe and consensual manner. It's about being who we are, at our most feral and primitive.

Thanks for doing the data mining for that little jewel, petrel! I just got back from an exhaustive bout of system maintenance. Norton Utilities was the only program I had working for a few hours after a vile little freeze-up.

Everything's cool, now.

And, having a couple of gender issues myself, I can agree about "catching flack". It seems people are only comfortable with us when we're in one role or the other, or feel, because we can switch from on role to another, or find members of both sexes attractive, that we're not serious or comitted. Without those convenient labels, people have to think about how to interact with us, and thinking hurts some people.

From what I've seen, though, BDSM'ers tend to be more open-minded and accepting than John Q. Public.

Unless they think you're a flake, or don't understand what alphabet sexualtiy is about.

This is gonna suck....

Time to go tackle the Monster, digging for any worthwhile switch stuff.....

A daunting task, to be sure, but this is one Beast who's tangled with The Monster before.

Have my LWF Switch Title belt ready for me after this "Hell In A Cell" match.....

Think of any purist in any lifestyle, religious, sexual, business, parenting, diet and you will find a common denominator: a closed mind.

I posted on BlkPnthr's thread about this topic and I am a switch. I sub for the pain, I Dominate for the pleasure of being in control. I do not go by anyone's "book". It feels right for me.

Petrel, I fully understand what you said about the bisexual switch. In Lesbian land is is political and sexual suicide to be bisexual. In the world of the DOM/DOMME-submissive some see swtiches as confused, fake, imposters.

I want there to be room for everyone. From the couple who thinks it is naughty to say demeaning things duing sex to the hard core edge players who live the lifestyle 24/7 chained to a dog house wearing head to toe latex until Master gets home to be pleased.

Re: And what exactly is different about a bi-sexual switch ..

Hecate said:

... compared to a strictly homo- or heterosexual switch?

I admit I have never thought about that to be different from any other sexual orientation switch ... *looks puzzled*

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Speaking only for myself, and not trying to generalize, gender is a factor in that I switch with women, although I prefer subbing, but am strictly sub with men.
I'm sure this could be a subject for intense analysis, but I just accept that like Popeye, I yam what I yam.

......And The Beast walks out of the Hell In A Cell match the Undisputed LWF Switch Champion! Hammered my way through all 68 pages, and I've come back with a bag of good quotes.

For purely sentimental reasons, I'll start with my very first post on The Monster:

SpectreT

Man, oh, man....
I just slugged through all thirty pages of this, and still feel like a kid in his first day of kindergarden with this. Lately, I've been fiddling a bit with self-bondage to uhm.. lighten the tension a little. (Lacking a girlfriend kind of hinders the real experience, but I need to get out more, really.) I know my own tendencies, but I've got very little experience playing with others to hang that on.

I'm also brain-fried from reading this whole thread in one sitting.

as usual, cymbidia floors me with her insight and experience, as have several others.

In other news, I checked my waist today, and I've lost two whole inches! I've also gained five pounds according to the scale. Am I doing something wrong? Lifting weights and some aerobic exercise (really long, fast walks, calisthenics, that sort of thing) don't seem to be getting me much closer to the kind of shape I was in back in High School, although I am stronger and tougher.

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Not really important or useful; just sentimental on my part.

cymbidia

Except for one period in my life when i thought i was sick of being a "freak", had decided to try to be "normal", and so tried to find totally nilla men with whom to spend time, i have *always* actively searched out others like me.

But i learned this: Why begin a relationship with someone who will not fulfill one's basic sexual needs?

And, just to be clear about it, if someone is nilla, they are nilla. You're not gonna do much changing of them just cuz you realize later that you gotta have that part of your life back - and it's not fair to them, either

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RisiaSkye, on Switching and "catching flack:

The Zen of Switching...forgive rambling post.
quote:

Originally posted by chatbug

Even for a man that has BDSM thoughts and feelings, it can be hard to do what you've only thought of. Real scenes never work as well as fantasies. Unless you have some experience, "stage fright" can be very real.


First: welcome, chatbug. Nice to see someone else still struggling with performance (in both senses) issues in BDSM. I've seen this with myself and hubbie, and while it has gotten better over time, it's still an issue. We're 8 years into a relationship (and 5 years into BDSM), and we're still figuring ourselves and each other out as we go along. I think that "stage fright" is a real thing for most or all newbies (of both sexes), and something that still 'crops up' for experienced players, male and female. Or else hubbie and I are really weird.

quote:

I like to dominate submissive women. However, I don't like to be the dominant one all of the time. I get weary of the role after a while, and sometimes I need to take another role until my desire returns. I don't know if I'm unusual in that regard, or if others feel the same way.


I'm with you on this. I'm dominant much of the time. But, I am also submissive. You are not alone in that, but I don't know if we're unusual.

So, let's open a new topic, on behalf of me and chatbug.
Why does switching get such a bad rap?
This is something that I've wondered about a good deal. To me, my feelings and expressions of dominance and submission are intrinsically linked to each other. Switching sides of that equation allows me to explore what it means to experience submission, and it encourages me to be a more honest, giving, and emotionally committed domme. I wouldn't give either side up.

But, I hear from more "orthodox" lifestylers (otherwise known as the purity Nazis) that switching betrays a lack of commitment to a role. I have been told that my enjoyment of both Top and Bottom makes me not fully either--rather like a hermaphrodite, one particularly sensitive and tolerant person laughingly suggested. What do others think? Are switches lacking committment somehow?

I don't think so. It is an incredible experience of love to give ones' self fully to another, to trust them utterly, even with your will. Developing this trust is difficult and time consuming, but it is also the "therapy" that BlackBich and others have mentioned...an emotional and spiritual journey. One that has come to largely define what making love is about to me, in terms of emotional commitment. The blessing of submission is a wonderful gift to be able to give to another, and an incredible responsibility--one that I honestly think can ennoble the soul. If there are soulmates, I picture it as a fully developed yin-yang balance. My dominance is interwoven with my submission, as hubbie's dom interweaves with his sub. When we come together, we create an integrated whole, a perfect (though shifting) balance of male/female, top/bottom, serious/frivolous, etc. etc. The complexity of that balance is one of the biggest rewards of my life.

BDSM is a way to explore the complexity of that balance, to express it physically, emotionally, and spiritually all at once. I've had orgasms that lasted full minutes, moments of spiritual clairty so precise I felt more alive than I knew was possible, feelings of love and connection so overwhelming there aren't words to express them. If that's a "lack of committment," I'll take it and wear the disparaging judgement proudly.

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KittenEyes

Risia,
I get the same thing, switches lack commitment. I think some of it comes from the general misunderstood nature of BDSM. Some people have had to be on the defensive for so long, (I am NOT referring to anyone here, don't get your panties in a bunch), they don't know anything else. I also think fear can come into play. Everyone wants to know they are correct about themselves and seeing something contradictory may make some start to question. Rather than accept that different works, it's safer, in their opinion, to degrade it.

I switch because that is my nature. I thrive in a state of change. (Shoot, I can't even pick a favorite color, there is something I like about all of them.) I need to feel the rush of lowering someone's barriers and I need to feel the relief of having the same done to mine. Different partners bring out different feelings and desires. I rarely feel the need to Top my husband, but I have never bottomed for a woman. Either way, it isn't a toss of the coin kind of thing, it is knowing myself well enough to know what I want.

I don't partake of BDSM everyday and I don't incorporate it every time I have sexual contact, sometimes nilla is nice. The point is, I enjoy many different things and accept that as what I need.

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cymbidia

Some of us are Dom/me.
Some of us are sub.
Some of us are able to gain richness from both sides.

I sort of envy switches, to be honest, because they have the whole range of sexuality to explore and are not limited to one side or the other. At the same time, i'm deeply content with my place inside the world of possibilities that our kind of sexuality encompasses.

To each their own, without censure.

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SteamyChik

The Switch

I think ya'll have hit the concept perfectly in several ways. One is that people want it confirmed that their way is best. If they can't switch, they don't want other's too either - or isn't the ability not to switch a weakness of sorts? On the other hand, as a sub, in the beginning, I wanted to be with dominant's that were fulltime doms. If they switched, they felt more like peers and I could not relate to them as doms afterwards. The same is true for the doms. When someone switches, it's hard to relate to them because their roles change.

When you are at a party and one time a person is a dom, accorded all the domly adoration, and the next time they are a sub and you are peers getting in trouble together - well, it just sends a confusing message. It's not a bad message, but it is hard to adjust from one time to the next and this may be where some of the confusion and non-tolerance comes from.

Now that I've been around (no comments please!) I enjoy the switches (of the people sort heh!). It doesn't bother me the way it use to. Maybe it's because I'm more relaxed with myself and comfortable in making my own definitions. When people start out learning, they usually migrate strongly to one side or the other and don't want to muddy the water until they figure out just what it all means. I have no idea if I'm making sense or not

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