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Click hereIt all started with just a smile
Then there must have been talking for a while
Somewhere between came the first kiss
The tender memory none can miss
Two hearts began to beat as one
Through it all they remembered to have some fun
Wedding bells came sometime there after
Soon the house was filled with children's laughter
Years began to speed on by
For everyone knows how time does fly
With the children now gorwnup with families of their own
Each watching as their own children have grown
Though times weren't always easy as we all know
Here they stand fifty years later with hair white as snow
Its now time for joy and even gladness
For these loving parents who survived through all the madness
As you have written something very touching that some can relate to. Keep up the great writing and sharing :)
Agree — typos & punctuation need work. These weaknesses pull down what could be a rather nice piece.
The story tells a sweet story, and I really liked some of the images, but I have a few bits of (hopefully) constructive criticism: 1. I think your piece would be helped considerably by some punctuation. 2. The rhyme feels really forced. Try coming back to it with a fresh perspective a little while from now to rework it. That seems to work for me. 3. Typos are very disconcerting (gorwnup).
For what my opinion's worth...