A Christmas Parody

Twas the night before Christmas, and I sat in my house,
The computer grew blurry as my hand left the mouse;
I yawned and I stretched, and pushed back the chair,
Then I took off my clothes and I crept to bed bare;

My wife in her nightie was tucked in our bed,
Asleep... with no snuggle, no nookie, no head;
Sliding in right beside her and holding my wand,
I began to wave it in the manner I'm fond,

When out in the yard there arose such a ruckus,
I wondered if aliens had landed to fuck us.
Peering past blinds and our bubbling pool,
I searched for the culprit while holding my tool.

The moon on the breasts of my wife lying near,
Gave the appearance that I held aloft a long spear,
Then from my luscious wife my eyes were torn,
By a sleigh pulled by eight flying antelopes, with horns,

With a little man driving, they flew by right quick,
But I saw that the driver also held is own dick!
Two deer had begun to nuzzle themselves,
And in the back of the sleigh screwed two portly elves;

"Stop, DASHER! Now, DANCER won't you get off VIXEN!
Let's land before someone deflowers young BLITZEN!
I've got a hard-on that's making my britches too tight!
Let's get home before Mrs. Claus retires tonight!"

A moan from behind turned me around as I gazed,
My wife seemed in some erotic dream - crazed,
One hand 'tween her thighs, the other on tit,
Eyes shut, mouth open, just a perfect cock fit.

As I moved in upon her, I heard up above,
The prancing and pawing of hot reindeer love,
As I slipped myself in, her lips closed around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He threw a bag down, dropped it right on his toes,
Cursing, then silence... I heard him "sniff" with his nose;
My wife's honey fragrance from her sex had just poured,
And soon had him standing, rock hard by our door.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His hand didn't tarry!
His erection was standing like he'd seen his first cherry!
As I knelt there in shock, being serviced for free
My slumbering wife, St. Nick, and I now made three;

The stump in his hand carried him up to the bed,
With a wink and a nod, not a word was need said;
He leaned in and flopped 'tween her legs with his belly,
And ate her real slow like hot biscuits and jelly.

She awoke, spat me out, "I'm a naughty young elf!"
And I heard him mutter, "I've been a bit bad myself";
A flick of his tongue and a kiss on her knob,
And our trio was made as she resumed her mouth job;

He spoke not a word, but whipped out his north pole,
And took her from front, as I filled her back hole,
And we pleasured her 'til she came with a yell,
Each taking turns jingling her little love bell;

Then sprang to his sleigh, I heard as he shout,
"I left her a present before I pulled out!"
Then I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY FUCKING TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!"