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Click hereA tear fell from His eyes…Something He had not allowed for a long time…His heart had been ripped from Him…His future had been torn apart…He loved and lost…His mind was in a whirl…He looked at her…she looked at Him…B/both knew that this may not be right…but He honoured her decision…He had taken a chance and had lost…His world turned…He stepped back…He gazed at her one final time…knowing that her decision was made…A short time ago…fire had burned in His soul…A light had been in there…Now that fire was gone…extinguished in a matter of seconds…His heart was no more…His very existence was thrown to the wind…He had no life within Himself.
He had tried…He had respected…but now where did that lead but back to the very pits of hell…she looked at Him…she knew how He felt…but she left Him…He knew why and He understood…but that hurt in Him was one that was of destruction…A bond remained but it was not strong…His love was weak it seemed…His heart could stand no more…so forever He closed it…Not wishing to be hurt again.
An end had come to His journey…A chapter had been closed…He has learnt never to love again…Never to let His feelings show…so now hidden behind a wall He rests within Himself…Not allowing anyone in…Not showing love…
The despair that often comes at the end of a love affair. This rendering lays bare the raw pain and heartbreak. Sentimental and sad ~ evocative longing.
A YDD reviewed piece;
Not as kind as many I've already seen of hers
And here I thought I had a hang-up about ellipses.
Your work might be stronger in a different format.
Presently it reads like an outline submittal for a story,
not much like a poem.
It "tells" and does not "show" nor engage the audience.
You have an outline, now make poems from it.