- Erotic Poetry
- A Key West Saturday
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A Key West Saturday
What if you chose to edit the wind,
rewrite the way it tosses her hair
or the palms off Duval Street
the rushing sound of that forever breeze
and music clashing in the street so you
lean to the right for some Zeppelin
or cross to the left and the red head
singing Springsteen circa Patti Smith?
You pause in the street, waiting, waiting,
waiting to step inside, but the auburn
freezes you like so many years before:
the thought of fingers twirled in curls
her legs slowly opening into the light
as she moans the song – Janis this time
and you leave a piece of your heart right there
throbbing the pulse of a Key West Saturday
the night passing in your rear view
beyond Earnest’s house then a left turn.
Highway One North, just blocks old
running straight out of old town
then curving along sky blue water
quickly past a sunrise, Boca Chica bound.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 18 years agoI totally missed this in my reviews yesterday (tues). This very good work. Enjoyed it, thank you.
Maria2394about 18 years agoI loved the way it just bounced along and twirled me with it. very enjoyable read :)
maria
TheRainManover 18 years agoBy far my favorite of your three poems today.
The pace and flow meshed perfectly with the subject matter.
The first strophe is terrific, and what a start this is:
What if you chose to edit the wind,
rewrite the way it tosses her hair
or the palms off Duval Street
the rushing sound of that forever breeze
and music clashing in the street
. . . really good.
Tzaraover 18 years agoYour poem helps bring the images back. A couple things:
--"circa" doesn't seem right. Def is "at, in, or of approximately -- used especially with dates." I assume you're trying to evoke PSG's "Because the Night". Maybe "Springsteen via Patti Smith"?
--"Earnest" s/b "Ernest" I think, unless you're also trying to invoke Oscar Wilde.
Cool poem.
Anonymousover 18 years agofirst line..and the discriptions are nicely packed...and tight..feeling the winds of time in the ole town...been there I have a clue..blue
