A Little Sad, A Little Not

Earlier this evening
I kind of said goodbye
To a person I've been friends with
And it would be a lie

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To pretend that I'm not out of sorts
Or just a little sad
That our friendship hasn't made it
Cos the truth is she's not bad

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She's a kind and gentle person
With a heart that's big and sweet
And she wants a better, nicer, world
A world where she could greet

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Every passing stranger
As they walked by in the street
A world where kindness lived and danger
Didn't stalk on stockinged feet

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But the truth is that she also
Seems to want what I can't give
And she's insecure and dependent
Wants a life that I can't live

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Even though we say we're friends
I know inside that she wants more
And she's angry with me now because
I've gone and shut the door

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I'm afraid I don't like helpless
I'm not used to "girlish" ways
And I can be a little gritty
On indecision or delays

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I told her I wasn't ready
For a love life in full swing
Wasn't ready for a girlfriend
Or the issues it would bring

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I still feel that's true and
Haven't changed my mind about the score
Even though she thinks I'm playing
Truth is I have made damn sure

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That my interactions have remained
Strictly on the level
I could play games but I wouldn't
I'm no saint, nor I the devil

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If I could see a way that
We could happily be friends
I would do it in an instant
But I suspect that this will end

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So I sit here contemplative
Not morose, but quietly sad
For a friendship that is shaky
For a love I never had