Non-Erotic PoetryA SnowblindThe sun rises and it is chilly,
teeth chatter, though I find
it is worth the frosty wait.
The first of the season comes
and I am pleased, warmed by the view.
A plume of pleasure under a cold nose
as the camera shutter clicks,
capturing every lacy flake.
They melt on an iron rich land
until the earth is just as cold.
It is pink at first turning white as light.
I am blind in all this bright, dazzled.
Disappearing in the storm,
there are only red footprints
quickly covered by the falling snow.
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Very nice,
evocative writing. To be revisited!
very (squared) nice
I've been away and found a line of poems to read so... I decided to start at the bottom and work my way up, glad I did. 5ed ...upward
THE VISTA OF THE 1ST SNOWFALL
magnificent and woe to the work ahead, TK U MLJ LV NV
There are some great images and lines in this - and I can FEEL the cold.
A couple of suggestions/considerations:
The first two lines of the second stanza stand apart from the rest of the poem. I thought at first it was the "plume of pleasure under a cold nose" that was bothering me, because it seemed a bit much. Though I really like the image. I think you may be able to save it by changing the next line to "as the camera eye clicks" - which balances out the nose and yet keeps the action. I don't know. See what you think. Overall I really like this.more...
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