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Click hereABANDONED
a young boy
around 8 years-old
went to the library
and would look
through the shelves
for something to read.
after picking out
one and signing it out,
he discovered
it didn't satisfy his curiosity
and returned the book
without pursuing something
more to his liking
and became a follower.
that price-
you can read it
in his eyes.
ABANDONED
a young boy
around 8 years-old
went to the library
and would look
through the shelves
for something to read.
after picking out
one and signing it out,
he discovered
it didn't satisfy his curiosity
and returned the book
without pursuing something
more to his liking
and became a follower.
that price-
you can read it
in his eyes.
1. I would delete the 2nd line completely and make the first line "An eight year old boy".
2. Use "After picking a book out and bringing it home" instead of "After picking out one amd signing it out" , to avoid the repetition of the word "out" and the problem of "one" not referring to something concrete. (the mind will make the "one" a book, but why not be clearer?)
3. Use "and returned the volume" , since from 2, you have now used the word book once already.
4. Replace "something" with "a topic" to make your point clearer.
5. Instead of "and became..." (too many ands!) you might try..."When he was older, the boy bcame a follower..."
Thanks for a cool poem, Sack
to this poem's title. Never thought about the abandonment of one's self; the choices we do - or do not make - that can alter our paths in life. Another cuisine to ponder from the poet's Meals on Wheels. Don, I'm starting to put on weight <sigh>
Vixxx
Your Poem was mentioned on the thread
"New Poems Reviews"
thanks for the journey