Adieus

bydemure101©

The smell of soaking raincoats and the drum
of water overhead – safe from the rain
below the dirty dome we took our leave
with water dripping from our hair to make
a wet, cold kiss, pale in the arc lights, drawn,
our faces sickly white. We didn’t speak;
farewell seemed irreversible, and au
revoir belied what we both knew. We looked
at one another guardedly, and stood
and smiled a rueful smile, and then the train
gushed in along the platform, full of life,
and shrieked unto a stop. We nodded once.
She lightly touched my cheek and turned to board,
and still I stood and watched; and still it poured.

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bydemure101© 3 comments/ 341 views/ 0 favorites

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by Anonymous

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by DawnJ11/24/12

I hate goodbyes!

And they're even worse when you know there might never be another hello! :(
You've evoked that sense very keenly in this description of a day that weeps for them as they part:
"She lightly touched mymore...

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by tazz31711/12/12

I MISS THE HANGING HEARTS

on a banyon or willow tree, TK U MLJ LV NV

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by Angeline11/09/12

Gave it a 5

and I think it's a lovely sonnet, but I'd lose the "unto," which sounds awkward to me. You could say "into its stop" or "until it stopped" or some such and not lose the rhythm. Just my opinion, and asidemore...

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