- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Again repeated
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereTaken once
taken twice
Taken again and again...
Yet He saw her as the first day He met her....
fragile like a glass soul....
tender His hands
tender His heart
He watches her form
sway to His eyes
Her breath His
His hers
Glommed they were tight as a seal
and then
Dipped below
Turgid waters, dank desires
her sweat mapped her brow
His tangled the chest.
risen twice and then brought down,
He kept on
far into the baying night,
but didn’t work
her cries and moans echoed
from the walls
Yet the cockles of His heart
never stopped
resonating in harmony
as He came to be hers
her He took again and again
I said that already,
rivulets of perspiration He
licked and slaked His thirst
When He has her
His thirsts and hungers are all sated
His desires and needs all filled
He smote the skies as He filled hers
forevermore
- COMMENTS
duddle146about 17 years agoThe woman of his desires ~ epitomizes everything he could wish for.
WickedEveover 19 years ago"fragile like a glass soul" is a lovely phrase. Rarely does the use of soul work so well in a poem.
*No longer using the thermometer.
annaswirlsover 19 years ago~respectful of this artist as one who wants honest feedback~
I have never quite figured out your capitalization choices, but it is your signature, and I am sure you have reasons :)
I have a few suggestions and comments, I am just in that kind of mood. Maybe I miss YDD. Who knows. Nothing personal, okay?
"Yet He saw her as the first day He met her....
fragile like a glass soul...."
you could cut this to
"Yet He saw her as the first day He met her....
a glass soul...."
"Glommed they were tight as a seal"
are they tight as a seal, what kind of seal-- could you give a concrete example in this similie or are they the seal?
(and I thought of the aquatic mammal when reading this but that is my literal-visual brain at work)
"and then
Dipped below
Turgid waters, dank desires
her sweat mapped her brow
His tangled the chest. "
I like the wet matted hair image
"risen twice and then brought down,
He kept on
far into the baying night,
but didn?t work
her cries and moans echoed
from the walls"
I do not understand what is happening in this verse-- what didn't work?
The overall scene is nice, I would like to have it delivered in a tighter picture, with fresh metaphor and underlying meaning.
Overall, it was a nice read but could use revision, it is definately worth it, and I know you can do it!
(no thermometer reading)
