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Click herenext to the salt ,the odd grain peppering the paper
a note from my lover, underlined at every word
'the honeymoon is over; I WANT IT DONE!!'
and under the note, four hundred dollars;
I sit, peel an orange, consume his words
nipples pricked in anger and aching
as I swallow my nausea,
thinking of something small.
Ungodly as a child's shriek.
Spiderlike, I spin mirrors,
Loyal to my image,
Uttering nothing but blood---
Taste it, dark red!
And my forest
My funeral,
And this hill and this
Gleaming with the mouths of corpses.
I finally caught up with this, Vee. (I find it hard to write and read a lot at the same time.) This is exceptional. Every line carried its own weight and wove nicely with each other. I like the title too.
12o1 gave an intriguing suggestion, which would add emphasis to the poem's theme with a visual dimenstion, although without a substitution for "thinking," I think the meaning of the line wouldn't be what you intended if I'm reading it correctly.
I finally caught up with this, Vee. All the lines carried weight and were woven together well. Whether it's your best, I don't know because I haven't read all of your stuff, but this is an exceptional poem in my opinion. I think 12o1's comment is excellent and would add a certain visual dimension the poem's theme, but I think the omission of "thinking" without adding something to replace it would change the meaning if I'm reading the poem correctly. An easy 5 in my book.
except to say this is your best poem to date, V, and haunting in its abrupt detail. TY.