Another Word For Miscarriage

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58 words
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vrosej10
vrosej10
31 Followers

next to the salt ,the odd grain peppering the paper
a note from my lover, underlined at every word
'the honeymoon is over; I WANT IT DONE!!'
and under the note, four hundred dollars;
I sit, peel an orange, consume his words
nipples pricked in anger and aching
as I swallow my nausea,
thinking of something small.

vrosej10
vrosej10
31 Followers
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19 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
Another nine lines for Miss

Ungodly as a child's shriek.

Spiderlike, I spin mirrors,

Loyal to my image,

Uttering nothing but blood---

Taste it, dark red!

And my forest

My funeral,

And this hill and this

Gleaming with the mouths of corpses.

theognistheognisabout 13 years ago
*****

The anonymous five was mine.

greenmountaineergreenmountaineerabout 13 years ago

I finally caught up with this, Vee. (I find it hard to write and read a lot at the same time.) This is exceptional. Every line carried its own weight and wove nicely with each other. I like the title too.

12o1 gave an intriguing suggestion, which would add emphasis to the poem's theme with a visual dimenstion, although without a substitution for "thinking," I think the meaning of the line wouldn't be what you intended if I'm reading it correctly.

greenmountaineergreenmountaineerabout 13 years ago

I finally caught up with this, Vee. All the lines carried weight and were woven together well. Whether it's your best, I don't know because I haven't read all of your stuff, but this is an exceptional poem in my opinion. I think 12o1's comment is excellent and would add a certain visual dimension the poem's theme, but I think the omission of "thinking" without adding something to replace it would change the meaning if I'm reading the poem correctly. An easy 5 in my book.

fridayamfridayamabout 13 years ago
I can't add much to the above

except to say this is your best poem to date, V, and haunting in its abrupt detail. TY.

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