- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Awesome Days
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Click hereAwesome days as always
Popp up in my head
And I am all over
Unprepared
Forget atonement
It’s how you bury down your head
And how you can not hear the shrieks
And how you can not even see phosphorus lights
At night
I am dressed in white
To disappear in the sun
Rubber shoes to my feet
To leave no steps behind
My eyes still desert dry
No single tear or fly to blur my sight
And no one’s smell around
I sense they all have come and gone
I was not ready than
And never be again
Till death come hit me
You won’t surprise me now
And Now I stand
My words still fresh
Upon those graves
I wish you too could listen
For a change
And let us be in peace.
For this I am prepared this year
When Awesome Days arrive.
- COMMENTS
normal jeanabout 16 years agoand expressed so well. I agree with Ange that it could be tightened up a teeny bit, but I am just in awe of any poem that can take me "there". the moment of pain, or the remembrance of sorrow and the power of hope, well, that is indeed awesome.
this passage touched me most; made it seem so real--
I am dressed in white
To disappear in the sun
Rubber shoes to my feet
To leave no steps behind
My eyes still desert dry
No single tear or fly to blur my sight
And no one’s smell around
I sense they all have come and gone
~~~~~
powerful, well done
Angelineabout 16 years agoand the personalization of your own memories really sets up the rest of the poem that moves on to honor the heroes who didn't return. I gave it a 75% because I felt it needs to be shaped better to show how good it really is. For example, there seem, to me, to be a few natural breaks in the poem where you need to add a little space to underscore the impact. Right after "At night" is one spot and right after "I sense they have all come and gone" is another. They are good places for the reader to pause and reflect before taking in the next piece. It's a very good poem.
