Awkward Good-bye

Too much time on my hands,
So I’ll just cut them off.

Let the blood flowing from wrists
Cleanse me like rain water
Falling from a cold, ugly winter sky.
The sky I see when I picture you
Trying to smile through your lies.

Touch the match to the brick wall,
Strike it quick, smell it burn.
Sulphur, harsh on the nose and the eyes,
Harsh like your thoughtless words
Spoken through lips pretty, but unkind.

You fill me with dark thoughts,
Bad dreams about hated pasts.
Bad times best forgotten, cast aside.

You make me clutch at bad urges
For safety and cold comfort.
Angry blood lust, open veins,
And other thoughts I’d hoped
I had finally left behind.

You were bad for me, I was worse for you,
But I still loved you in my way.
For what reason?
Your guess is as good as mine.

You made me feel like a child,
You made me crawl to you for love,
You never gave it, but I still crawled just the same.

Maybe all I’m saying is that I forgive me
For ever falling in love with your kind.
And maybe, in a way, I forgive you too,
But just how or why is a mystery to me.
You hurt me in a way that I can’t really put to words,
But which begs to be exposed none the less.

In a better world I’d just cut out your lying eyes,
But this is the only world I know, so I can’t.

These words are all I have, so this is what you get.
Good-bye, baby, I hope you’ll someday learn to cry
Like I have, too many times for you,
So that maybe these worthless words
Won’t be so worthless after all,
And I’ll have hurt you like you hurt me.