- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Back 07/08
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Your back is not yet curved
like your father's. You stand tall
almost have a waist, buttocks
that ball out and beg
to be touched. I will
touch, eventually,
when I am tired
of drinking your skin
with my eyes,
when my cup of longing
splashes beyond the bench
mark of my lust. My fingertip
will begin at your neck, slowly
swirling downward, stopping
at each vertebrae, pausing
to memorise the bones, ending
at your coccyx. One fingertip.
Tantalizingly close.
- COMMENTS
unpredictablebijouover 15 years agoI suppose Tz is right about "coccyx" but I can't do the detailing like he does so you'll just have to wait for additional opinions on that. My take is one of deep affection; as some people's images take me to actual locations or visual spaces, your description here takes me to an equally vivid place emotionally. It's that tender fondness for a particular body, and you communicate it very well here.
Tzaraover 15 years agoGood to see you posting poems again, WSO. There are a few things that bother me about this poem. Take these comments as simply that--that they bother ME. Don't need to be bothersome to you or anyone else.
The first is the phrase "buttocks / that ball out", which strikes me as especially unerotic. (I assume the intent of the poem is sensual.) The second, similar, comment is the use of the word coccyx, which is anatomically correct, but dulling, at least to me. Also, I would change "when I am tired" in L7 to "when I tire" to make the voice active.
But, again, my ideas only. Nice to read you again.
