Because He Loves Me

In the dark room I waited.
Asleep and unknowing.
Footsteps outside my window.
Footsteps inside my halls.
Footsteps entering my door.

I was about to fight back till I felt the steel.
Pinching my neck.
Spreading my skin.
Quiet words in my ear telling me I should be afraid.
I have everything to fear.
It must be done in order to save his sanity.
Destroy the distraction.
A strong hand draws an invisible line up along my body.
Sending shivers down my spine.
Heavy breathing on my back.
Tender kisses on my neck.
Because he loves me.

As cold as the room is I feel warm.
He always warms me.
Even now when he hates me he warms me.
He take his time tracing my body line.
Savouring each stroke.
Knowing this is the last time my breath will quicken.
Gasping for air.
Intakes sharp and rapid.
Because he loves me.

He growls in my ear like he used to for fun.
Playfully biting my neck.
Toying with his prey.
Cat and mouse games.
He takes a step around to face me.
Looking into my eyes.
His eyes are so cold.
He smirks at my fear.
Breathing it in.
Enjoying the smell.
He levels his eyes.
His cold dark eyes and stares into my soul.
Pulling out every memory.
Ripping out my defiance.
Twisting the knife.
My eyes lower.
I accept my fate.
Because he loves me.

A cruel laughter fills my ears.
He is amused by my tears.
I am not strong enough to overcome him.
I was never strong enough.
And he knows this.
He has always known this.
But I never did.
Because he loves me.

Simple control is not enough for him.
He must have complete domination.
He takes what he has held back from for so long.
Using the knife to cut my clothes.
Using his hands to rip them apart.
Ravaging my body.
Completing what he has been dreaming of.
Touching what keeps him awake.
Fulfilling the desire to destroy me.
To hear me cry out in muffled pain.
To see my face contort into humiliation.
He needs this.
Because he loves me.

Yet, he never hits me.
He never hurts me with a closed hand.
He is unable to do it.
He loves me still.
Even as he grabs me, he loves me.
Even as he bites me, he loves me.
Even as he slowly places cuts along my arms, he loves me.
Each cut is a night he has spent awake over me.
My arms are deep red and sore.
He takes pride in my blood.
He yearns for the warmth
He has been cold for too long.
He takes time in his work.
Kissing each wound.
Enthralled by the taste.
Because he loves me.

And all this he had promised.
The pain, the panic, the purpose of it all.
He was a man of his word.
More the fool was I for laughing it off.
Ignoring his hunger.
The desires he had vowed to satisfy.
An end his cravings, his aches, his wants and his needs.
A completion to his lusts.
The end of my love.
The thing that kept him alive.
Because he loves me.

I was no longer weeping.
I had cried for too long.
Overcome by fear.
Numb from shock.
Fading to darkness.
But inside, still warm.
Always warm.
Because he loves me.

Footsteps leaving my door.
Footsteps inside my halls.
Footsteps outside my window.
Asleep and unknowing.
In the dark room I waited.
Because he loves me.