Black hole

hiya, beej x

i'm liking the different ways this can be read, line-breaks serving to create this sort of double-down or track-switching around lines 6/7/8 and making this something different. i read it almost as two separate messages overlapping in the middle and moving from a position of weakness/danger to acceptance/strength.

i don't think you need to repeat your title in the first two lines, but that's my preference - in these instances i would choose another title that links (maybe) to your last line, or use the title as your opening lines.

there's a strength of character about the last 3 lines, though i'd like to see that last line worded just a little differently. great to see you submitting!


Black
hole
in my heart
where have you been
taking
all
I
have
not let it suck me inmore...

It eventually turns grey and

fills with rubble