- Erotic Poetry
- blow
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fuck
put it in my mouth
all in my mouth
i want to suck you dry
the force of you makes me cry
fuck
i want you in my mouth
forget down south
i love how full you feel
my jaw is made of steel
fuck my face
it's the right kind of place
fuck
i want you in my mouth
all in my mouth
i want to swallow your cum
forget about my bum
i want your seed past my lips
don't think about my hips
let me swallow your essence
underneath flourescence
fuck
give it to me now
oh yeah
fuck
- COMMENTS
painful_raptureover 10 years agoAuthorWow, thanks again for reading and commenting.
To be completely honest, I was buzzed while writing this. I don't really care for this one, but I got so much feedback on my other site, I decided to include it. You're right though, it would sound dry if they were all separated. This is one I might actually rework.
<3
Tsothaover 10 years agoVery evocative. All I can say is that certain sentences and words have especially worked. This is another one where I feel you've taken separate scenes/images and mixed them together. My attempt to separate them:
1:
put it in my mouth
all in my mouth
i want you in my mouth
all in my mouth
i want your seed past my lips
2:
fuck my face
it's the right kind of place
my jaw is made of steel
the force of you makes me cry
3:
forget down south
forget about my bum
don't think about my hips
4:
i love how full you feel
i want to suck you dry
let me swallow your essence
give it to me now
I find this thing you did (mixing these four parts) very interesting. If you presented them as I did, above, it would be rather dry. The way you've woven it together gives it an entirely different pace, makes it a scene, something that accompanies pictures...
