- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Boddhisattva
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I now can hear pause
as much as pitch,
sound in verbs like sit or is
without an object noun.
I can hear silence in the wind
before it hits the barn door with
the broken latch and rusty hinge,
and though they say it can't be seen
I can see it kiss the cheek
of every sentient being.
- COMMENTS
greenmountaineerabout 10 years agoAuthorRe-read it. You and 1201 are right about the hinge: repetitive. It's going to flap, broken hinge or not anyway, with the power of the wind.
greenmountaineerabout 10 years agoAuthorGreat catch on the white space, butters; the notion of absence on par with presence.
buttersabout 10 years agobecause of what it does - asks the reader to read between the lines, look to the white spaces, see what is at first unseen. it is the un-things, the not-saids, those things existing without obvious ripples. they are there, holding their more concrete counterparts together, acting as foils to enhance their solidity (in both directions). show over tell :D
you're working so much with the concept of contrast lately, gm; this piece is no exception - the silence in the wind contrasts dramatically against what we expect to hear when that same wind hits the broken latch, the rusty hinge. is it a step too far, naming the hinge and latch? is it too much to ask the reader to imagine the sounds to come if you finished at 'barn'? i just wonder if it swaps the focus from the white space/white noise/non-ness that a mind can be trained to become aware of to the solidity of grating sound and flapping door. perhaps it is all needed for cause and effect here.
ambiguous about the ending, though it doesn't feel ugly or misplaced, more an embracing of the universal nature of the unseen forces, how they affect us all. finishing earlier makes for a different poem, and probably not what you intended to show us.
twelveooneabout 10 years agofor you,
I see what you are doing with "with"
I would have ended it with barn door
I'm a terrible person, but if there is any religion I am closest to, it may be Buddhism
as is. rethink the word "every" it is an atomistic break down, not in keeping here.
5ed
