Candy Apple Red

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So I say to the Mrs.
this one I got I think is hot
and so I'm thinking
I'll put it on display.

Now here comes Jack,
and Jack says "Well,
I see all the specks,
but I don't see the specs."

"I don't know Jack"
I say to Jack,
who for some reason
starts to laugh,

but Jack says "I don't see it.
I mean I do, but all those bells,
whistles, and smells
gets in the way."

Excuse me, I mean get.
Jack said get.

So I talk to the Mrs. again,
noticing grime in my fingernails
and that's when I remember

Jack said to me, "Actoolment,
I prefer Jock, sill vu play,
and as far as your little red thing,
it needs a little more work,

but Say Pa Moll, Say Pa Moll.
Varoom! Varoom! Varoom!"
Jock said walking away.

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6 Comments
buttersbuttersover 10 years ago
a vehicle

for more than A-B

and everyone's a critic

and never mind the specks, they'll come out in the polishin'. i know that colour; it's all about the speeeeed, though she may buck a little.

greenmountaineergreenmountaineerover 10 years agoAuthor

Compulsive editor that I am of my poems, an additional new 4th stanza on my hard drive reads:

I say to Jack "my thinking was this:

moonlight drives in the country,

a little air freshener perhaps,

and a blanket in the back"

wakingDownwakingDownover 10 years ago

This put a smile on my face. The second stanza, especially. I don't know why, but that tickles me quite a bit.

DesejoDesejoover 10 years ago

I love what you did with the language, but I didn't get the car connection until reading the other comments. That's because I am clueless about anything on wheels, however.

The last stanza: it took me four reads to get it. the Pa Moll in capitalized letters made me think of Pall Mall cigarettes. If it were not capitalized, that would help.

Is that idiotic? Sorry if so.

AngelineAngelineover 10 years ago
This is just great writing. Say vray. :D

Really tightly rendered and is it a car, a metaphor? It's just really good. You do amazing things with word plays.

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