Candyman

When you're feeling like nothing in the world can go right, and that person finally answers the call...the call you've been putting out for a while...It's like when you hear that voice on the other end, you know it's ok. When you need something you can't get anywhere else, gimme my fix Mr. Candyman. That's right. It's that fix...that feeling, that sub-spacey-can't-hold-onto-the world kinda feeling. Fist full of hair, bent over a knee. The smacks come in, one after one, each with it's own brand of pain. Hit me again, dealer. I need that 21. Bust. Chips fall, I lose. But even when I lose I win. It's a struggle, ya see? Candyman's on top of me, taking from me again. How much will he take this time? There's a hand at my throat. He's burning into my soul with his eyes, black as night. The room spins, I hear that noise...I can't describe it...a deep electric buzz. I see purple. I've always seen purple. Every time the lights start to go dark, I see purple. I grab his wrist. This is a bad time...do I say it? Do I say the words I've been dying to say? Fuck it...Just say the words...I wonder how fucked up it is for me to tell him I love him when I'm about to pass out. I search his eyes...nothing. Goddammit, I can't read him. I grab his arm, forcing myself to remain grounded and conscious. He can read me like a book. He's always been able to. My mind wanders...is it because I'm that obvious or is he just that good? I hear the words...I flip myself over, feeling like a sweaty mess, sticking to the sheets, sticking to him, sticking to myself. I feel the pressure on my hips. This is eternity. Somehow find you and I collide. We're on equal footing. I'm taking from him. I'm feeding off of the energy he's dispersing with every thrust. It's a mess. The waves of pleasure...exponential. I hear myself scream. The sound is not familiar. I hear the emotion, so thick it could be cut with a knife. Candyman is on his way. Suddenly, I hush myself...as much as I can, bearing little control over myself. Fuck, he's close. The movement is fluid. I can't see him, but in my head. Digging into my hips, his head tilts back. I imagine his face glistening. Both covered with each other. I collapse and let the tears flow, they always do when the Candyman is finished with me. Moments pass. I make my request. He agrees. I knew it wouldn't take long. I hear the words...Give me more...I just wanted the words...the feel of breath on my ear. What. The. Fuck. Just a little more, baby. I need to hear it, tell me more. Tell me everything. No...tell me what I wanna hear. I'm writhing. So close. Just a little to the left. I'm grinding. The pace is perfect. Just like that. Tell me more. Just keep talking. I'm there. I feel like I just got shocked by medical paddles...you know, how it completely lifts the person off the bed? That's what it feels like. Except it's not. It's the opposite. I'm curled in a ball, holding. Grabbing anything I can to keep me grounded. I stayed that way for just a moment. Still. Sobbing. Heat. I need to get the fuck off him. Goddamn it's hot. I roll over. No bigger than a pillow. No bigger than a pillow.