Cautionary Ode

Deep sea diver Augustus Blin
Could not get his penis in.
The mermaid Lu was not to blame,
In suit and mask he could not aim.
He fitted markers on his wife
And with his diver’s fishing knife
Considered sharpening to a point
His wayward, wavering joint.
But really nothing seemed to work,
Just bent itself against her scaly skirt.
They fitted in the cave a hammock sling
And, on a signal, she pulled a string:
Eureka, bull's eye, hole-in-one.
"Oh" she cried, "what glorious fun,
At long, long last my nuptial fuck."
But then discovered it had stuck,
Rammed itself so firm inside
It would not move, although they tried.
They pushed, they pulled, they heaved, they shoved,
The more they tried, the more they loved.
For every sneeze and sudden cough
Brought her very quickly off.
Deep sea sex not to their taste
For it left them face to face.
The ebbing tide displayed their sins,
Washed on the beach as Siamese twins.

The moral of this little tale
(Which makes most lovers turn quite pale):
Do not attempt a tricky stunt,
When your aim’s an unfamiliar cunt.