Conflicted

He is the one mistake
I wish I could make
Nights of regret
I could risk the heartbreak

Would kill me to do it
No, I’m better than that
Kills me that I didn’t……
I keep looking back

Regret that we never did
Anything worth regretting
In my heart I know if we did
I could never forget it

Hate that I want it
Know I don’t need it
But this hunger inside
Just calls me to feed it

Curse my beautiful parents
And their do-right upbringing
Just this once to forget
I was raised to be decent
After all, why have the privilege to repent

Walk past the mirror
Can look myself in the eye…..
But I’d break every mirror I own
Just to ride this high

               He’s heaven to me, I’m sweet solace to him
               In the grand scheme of things
               He’s my personal battle
               But her holy war

Id and conscience…
This beautiful ugly dance
Try to rationalize this……no chance
Friendship this deep, so rare to find
Platonic, yet I need to cut these ties that bind

This isn’t love….so thankful for that
But we give each other, something we both lack

               He’s heaven to me, I’m sweet solace to him
               His body is with her
               But I’ve seen places she’ll never see
               Navigated corridors in his mind that she’ll never know

Shouldn’t go there….never my intent
Intimacy without sex…..oh so intense
He has pieces of me that I never share
In the back of my mind……we can’t go there
Proud that we both walked away in the end
But still, every now and then…….