- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Conjunction
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Lying here on our backs,
the night looks so clear.
We sidestep into opposition
while Venus
loves her moon.
Napalm blasts the starlit sky,
fire torches cool attitudes,
eats the planet
with you and I in it.
And baby, we lie still,
watch it all burn in an instant,
realign, and reconnect.
Now let's make a wish,
blow out the world
because we regret nothing.
- COMMENTS
buttersalmost 13 years agodropping the first two lines... it becomes more active, and engages me more from the off.
i have to say, this has me seeing all manner of things - and even if it's not intended, i'm left with the flare of a roman-candle Apollo heading for the moon with the backdrop of the vietnam war/m.a.s.h music and that sense of how attitudes were busy changing then... a mixture of hope and desperation and a 'i don't care anymore just pass the spliff' moment.
greenmountaineeralmost 13 years agodictionary.com: "Conjunction. 6. The coincidence of two or more heavenly bodies......"
I liked the pairing of images throughout the poem, even the opposing ones. I also liked how the "I" vowel sounds, both open and closed, worked in S3 & S4 and brought them together nicely, even though each stanza was a complete sentence, and the narrative in the first was active (blast, torches, eats) and in S4 more passive. It comes together nicely, I think, in the first 2 lines of the last stanza, but I anticipated a coupling (not necessarily that kind) in the last line that was more dynamic than merely no regret. Nonetheless, nicely done; an easy five for me.
twelveoonealmost 13 years agoI would think about dropping the first two, they look like a mere intro, as if you are afraid some won't make sense of the rest. Screw 'em. This really kicks in at S3, and resolves quite nicely. A5
