dare

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195 words
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lobomao
lobomao
6 Followers

Unprepared and paired down
She took me down and brought me down
My dear dear in headlights looks
Rain spilling and spoiling, roiling and rolling
Each spin twist of our tongues
Slip in and out of nots and nos
Hides those tricky tides that skim below
The watery water line, and fill our holes
Filled with curious hands digging downy down
To find the slick places where and when
Love meets desire, crying out in leaky moments
Rock paper scissors head tails you loose
I pull that sweet pull train of thought
And get back to what it was I was doing
Here and hear your song whispered again
What was the truth you dare to dream
From your mouth to here ear I pray
We said we wouldn’t play these games
Yet I hit or miss them so back again I go and go
Through all the pages I left behind
Looking for directions and ways around
Rainy slate clean goes for miles
Your words back to me and reel them in.
Balls of twain and two and twine
A photograph of you so far away
Withal your mouth this close as mine

lobomao
lobomao
6 Followers
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4 Comments
KRKRover 18 years ago
Clever and fun

For what it is worth, I enjoyed this one immensely. I've many non-native english speakers who seem to enjoy the same word-play you do.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Windhover

There are those who cannot, will not, dare not appreciate the exquisite word artistry in your poem. They lose, their loss, you're not less for it -- they are.

ReltneReltneover 18 years ago
See Below

Very VERY good advice from TRM.

TheRainManTheRainManover 18 years ago
Your style is unique...

...and very pleasant to read, but sometimes I think you press too hard with the wordplay, unneccesarily, until it seems to the reader that the whole point is the word tangling - and thus the poem might appear more like a playtime frolic than a group of words that might have something interesting to say as a whole.

I'd like you see you balance the two better - to take some of the emphasis off the euphonics.

I also think you should not post a pile of new poems the same day, as it might prevent a higher quantity of comments, which any writer would like.

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