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Click here~~~~~~
you said you loved me,
and foolishness
believed
rapturous words.
no stranger to illusions,
your heart
worked magic.
love vanished.
tender touch,
slight move of hand,
shrewdness slaps,
backlash of betrayal.
mockery pierced,
left me
bleeding
all over your
slippery farewell.
no longer treasured,
I scribble your name
in my black book, reserved
for fraudulent magicians.
~~~~~~
thank you! I couldn't have said it better myself!
Let me clear my throat. Ugh ack uh... Okay, I'm being silly because I'm trying to read 4 pages of new poems since I'm so far behind on my reading!
I do love the last stanza though.
Now I'm going to pick over something trivial simply because that's what I do.
mockery pierced,
left me
bleeding
all over your
slippery farewell.
I think you need to change the line breaks. It sounds choppy.
mockery pierced,
left me bleeding
over your slippery
farewell.
There may be a better way to go about it, but that still sounds a bit smoother, don't you think?
...better and better - I'm watching. :-) It's a pleasure.
...nice, Fawnie...and so improved from the first time it saw light!