- Non-Erotic Poetry
- dating
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
I wait
in a babbling brook of mannequins
molded from a mommy fetish
and intellectual apathy.
You pace around your herd,
a lion at the zoo,
gripping plant genitalia
and Lindt aphrodisiacs.
You ask me to dinner
because my tits are the biggest.
Over bad spaghetti
I attempt the tangible:
“hypocritical—
Stravinsky
while masturbating—
daddy hits mommy—
memorize Craigslist personals
for laughs—
King Lear is the bible—
broken
every bone in right foot—
nightmares of lost earrings
and rape—
favorite gelato flavors are
pistacchio and bacio—
love-hate relationship
with words ‘tepid’ and
‘choice’—
terrified
when naked—
want to blow glass,
see a coral reef,
a glacier,
and work in a vineyard—
make divine
fried zucchini flowers—
give super head”
“Funny,
you sound just like my ex.”
“Oh, well,
did I forget to mention
in my ‘about me’ section
that I’m not real?”
- COMMENTS
lorencinoalmost 13 years agoI think that the sense of “being all over the place” works very well in this poem as it reflects what can easily be the circumstances of a first date. The uncertain and insecure atmosphere is evoked by the random listing as though someone is saying whatever comes into their head while being clueless about the other's response to their talk.
I think this poem hangs together very well even as it depicts a situation which isn't hanging together very well.
ishtatalmost 13 years agoThis appears to be packed with ideas but bluntly I think it's all over the place, There's no overall coherence, and if incoherence is the objective that doesn't come through either. You have obvious talent with language but some editing artisanship is sorely needed.
twelveoonealmost 13 years agoto disagree? but I suggest a little tightening, what supports?, what is the object? A5 for language.
simply__mealmost 13 years agouncommon language lends a unique flair to this piece. Personally, I'm no judge of 'proper' and 'good'. I know what I damn well like, and this made me smile while reading it due to how I could frame it to my experiences,
and of course,
the unique voice.
I posted another comment but it did not show, so I hope this one does. Both will be similar.
