- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Days Like These
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Click hereThere are days
when only jasmines
can brighten up the room
And there are days
when roses devoid of fragrance,
seem ordinary, cheap.
There are days
when one cannot be playful
or partake in idle chatter.
And there are days
when the softest chatter
sounds like heads banging.
There are days
when nice gestures
get torn into shreds.
And there are days
when love rejected
is thrown back as shards.
There are days
when memories of love
are played over and over for comfort.
And there are days
when ghosts of past
yell out for rest.
- COMMENTS
Angelinealmost 20 years agothat needs a bit of editing, I think--and it's well worth saving so if you agree I'd make a few fixes. Specifically, I agree that "There are days" is too prosaic; just "Days" would be stronger, imho. Also "nice" is well..nice; it's not an evocative enough word, and "yell out" seems off. Still, this is overall really really good. :)
YDDalmost 20 years agoI like the theme and your approach.
I might have considered making the second stanza of each pair an opposite/contrast to the first. - Have an "up" day versus a "down day, but that might be for another poem.
Keep writing (and I see you have).
Liaralmost 20 years agoFor the most part, I really like this, the strong, self evident imagery works very well. I found the repepating "There are days" a little off putting though. I understand what you were aimimng at, but you worked that line a little bot too much IMO.
Still, thumbs up!
WickedEvealmost 20 years agoI hope you don't mind a couple small suggestions. I see two lines that could lose a word or two.
"seem ordinary, cheap"
You could drop cheap.
This may sound nicer:
"And there are days
when roses devoid of fragrance,
seem ordinary."
"are played over and over for comfort"
How about:
There are days
when memories of love
are played over for comfort.
Thanks for sharing your poem.
Tathagataalmost 20 years agolike this and like your style.
it's how I'd like to write...but haven't found the right words.
you did
Thank you
