Decline

There is sadness in the changes,
life changes every day,
some subtle, some like a hammer to the head
some good, some bad...
but in sickness and in health

In our years together we have known grief,
heart ache, physical and now mental challenges.
Being prepared for those mental changes,
I wasn't a boy scout at all,
prepared I was not.

So we carry on and I try to ignore or at least not
react to those momentary lapses in judgment,
acceptable behavior or even common knowledge,
because I love you.

Though you are not the same person,
neither am I
I hope I am a bit better for knowing you.
I know I have not dealt with everything
in the best way.
I know I have anger...

It hurt me to create space between us.
I was heartbroken about needing the space
but without it I was going to take my life
because I couldn't handle
your rejection,
your demeaning attitude,
your uncaring nature

You say you love me,
I know that what you say is true for you.

What is not there are those things
that you can do to show me you love me.
I've heard all the words I can stand
but if you don't show it, or stop trying,
the words become meaningless.

You are only in your own mind and
the world revolves around you.
You can only be who you are and asking more
from you is an impossibility.
You see me as caregiver or servant.

That is your future and my fate.

I will always love you,
that will never change.
but sometime in the future
I may no longer be able to be your caregiver.

There is too much pain in watching you decline.