Deerfly

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46 words
4.67
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oneiria
oneiria
120 Followers

The deerfly's whine
heralds its approach, as it

lands upon my cheek,
daring the full brightness of sunshine.

How deep must be its thirst
to risk my swatting palm,

and how powerful my hand
to return its soul

so quickly
to the purity it seeks.

oneiria
oneiria
120 Followers
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PoissonSurLaLunePoissonSurLaLunealmost 13 years ago
I like

As probably the worst poet ever I don't have all that much to add to the two past comments. It does a good job of shaping the rhythm of the reader, although for me personally the second line was a little clunky.

The underlying theme of death as a form of purity and suicidal release was a a little dark, but that's not a bad thing.

simply__mesimply__mealmost 13 years ago
This

is quite good. It reads with a proper feel on the emphasized words--like it almost bounces with the swats.

greenmountaineergreenmountaineeralmost 13 years ago
Skillfully done

I particularly like the sound of this poem. I think the hard consonants and the contrast in sound with the emphatic pauses from the punctuation really worked well.