- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Dreaming
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Dreaming...
To slummber in peace would be sublime.
To have sweet dreams must be devine.
To be unconscious but a monent in time.
To sleep untill the horizion comes would be so fine.
To have domination of the demons of my mind.
I would lock them all in an eternal tomb.
A place to surrender all sadness and gloom.
So in the cloak of darkness I would feel no doom.
Night time feels like a insanity voyage that fills my room.
Archaic thoughts forever consume.
I swear one day to relinquish these fears I held for years.
This treachery to my soul will end at last.
For I will have great ecsatasy to give them them my rath.
Proprius Mortis its their finale death.
Sweet release she is here at last.
Now I am free to submit rest.
Unless this has all been just a pathetic test.
- COMMENTS
My Erotic Trailabout 18 years agodispite the pots holes in the meter this poem rocked with images and the poets ability to grasp your attention and cast visions from letters very well, good poem!
Anonymousabout 18 years agoYour poem has a lot of potential. A few things to consider:
1) spelling mistakes: slummber - slumber, devine - divine,
monent - moment, horizion - horizon
2) Structure: I think that your poem might benefit from some structure, which would help the poem's rythmn amongst other things
3) Ryhme: Think about not using ryhme, it does make a lot of poems sound forced, experiment with this and see if it sounds better without ryhme.
I like the imagery in your poem, build on this and perhaps think about developing a single image throughout your poem.
Good work, I look forward to seeing more.
Christian
