enough

Am I too much?
Am I not enough?

I just don’t know, and the man with the answer is silent, inscrutable.
He will whisper my name and pull me close,
yet holds me always at arm’s length.

Oh, it’s been so long since these feelings flowed,
from the days of a purple Flair pen and drawing tiny hearts over my i’s.
I am 15 again, wondering, will he soon call,
do you think he likes me,
does he think I’m pretty?!?

And most of all… do I matter to him,
have I changed his life,
what does he seek,
what thoughts swirl behind those deep, dark eyes?

But I am not 15.
I am wise, wonderful, worldly, womanly;
This I know.

So why do I wonder, how can I doubt all that I am?
I am twisting, pillars of me canting under his silence.
Structures long ago built strong and solid, now shaken and unsure.

Baby, just talk to me, show me your soft belly
and bring your dark thoughts to day.
Hold me tight as if you fear losing my light.
Kiss me hard, the passion unbearable.

Or let me go.

I can survive losing you;
Losing myself, that I won’t endure.

Enough.