Entrapment

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124 words
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Author's Note

One of my much earlier pieces written so it most likely wont appeal to everyone's tastes. Thus constructive critism would be most welcomed.
_______________________________________________

I lost myself to someone
But that was long ago
And now my heart's in memory
And swaying to and fro

I thought that she was special
And saw her as one of a kind
But now I have this problem
I can't keep her from my mind

So much I try to forget
And lost myself in reading
But I feel like I have lost
And like giving myself a beating

It's not easy living life
When it feels you going through hell
For it feels like you are trapped
Or rather locked within a cell

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4 Comments
MrFaithfulMrFaithfulover 11 years agoAuthor

Thank you all for the feedback. As mentioned it was one of my earlier works based on a situation that I got myself stuck in. Thankfully no more but things tend to ebb and wade in ways beyond comprehension.

DesejoDesejoover 11 years ago

One of the things I have learned from others here is to read things aloud. The first two stanzas of this have a sing song rhythm, but the third is off. Reworking the third stanza would help make this stronger. You could also probably cut out most of the "I" s for a sparser feel - try it and see. Just my opinion!

tazz317tazz317over 11 years ago
PRETTY STUPID TO ENTRAP YOURSELF

lets hope the guilty paid also. TK U MLJ LV NV

Ashesh9Ashesh9over 11 years ago
It happens to the best of men,

My friend !