Fairy Tale Wondering

                                                                                                                                   6-17-03            Fairy Tale Wondering

      I am lost in confusion that rolls around the sand; no where for it to go, no where for it to go, no where for it to get caught.  Images are stuck in my mind w/o pressing the pause button.  I keep seeing the past rewinding and playing in front of me.  There is no future ahead just the past.  Mentally I feel as though I am on a ship, lost at sea.  My mind wanders but does not have a happy home.  I feel as though I am living the same dream day to day.  There’s no way to change it or to get out of it into the “real world”.  I am in a mousetrap waiting for the human to release me from my misery.  
        Home seems like a fairy tale, wishing to come home and see my family, friends, and lover is the happy ending I am looking for.  Being here is driving me crazy.  My mind goes into circus loopy loops.  Always in a daze, never where it should be at the time being.  Does life do that to you when you’re lonely and bored with your surroundings?  For now the sweet smell of cologne, fantasying about J's arms, eating home cooking food, feeling the bed sheets rub against my feet, hearing the music around me, and feeling the sweat trickle off my forehead from dancing at the club.  That’s my fairy tale.