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Cycles continue
as the beast smells fresh meat,
unwittingly pleased;
the child eats rank life,
unreachably doomed;
the man drinks self blood;
unmistakably dead.
*******
Author notes
This is a second of my poems to follow previous efforts by Koba and vrosej10 to describe a Pulitzer prize winning photograph by Kevin Carter. You may google the photographer to see the photograph.
The two poems are The Vulture and the Baby by Koba, and How to Stop Being Human by vrosej10.
My previous effort is called Darwin's Victory.
I want to thank Koba for writing the original poem.
- COMMENTS
PoetGuyabout 13 years agoa problem with this poem is that it does not work (or at least work well) without the photograph. It also places too much emphasis on adverbs, in Poet Guy's opinion. Adverbs tend to tell the reader what to think instead of forming an image that the reader interprets.
But, Poet Guy probably uses them himself all the time, so consider that just a comment of the "do as I say, not as I do" variety.
vrosej10about 13 years agoI think without the photo, you need a more explanatory. Otherwise well written. 5.
Kobaabout 13 years agoWhen I wrote my poem I saw a weakness was the fact that the poem really required the picture to be present at the same time and I knew really that the picture was the overwhelming emotional factor. But they are complimentary to each other as that was the way I intended it when writing it. The problem I see with this one is that it is absolutely dependent on the picture. Without the picture present one would not know at all what was going on. Also, and this may be a bit picky, but I don't think vultures can smell. I think their sense of smell was deadened by Mother Nature because they are always eating such horrible stuff like decaying bodies. Many birds cannot smell. Owls are like that which explains why they are the only species that will kill a skunk.
UnderYourSpellabout 13 years agoAlthough I know the picture there isn't really enough detail in the poem standing alone
Angelineabout 13 years agoSounds disturbing and the poems, of course, reflect that. I wonder though if it's serving you well to write what I would think of as an illustrated poem text when the picture isn't readily available. The writing is very good but it's hard without the context to get a real feel for the poem.
