- Erotic Poetry
- Fear of Intimacy
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delicate curves
muted morning light
soft, smooth, warm
beautiful
sweetest scent
touches my core
makes me sigh
wandering fingertips
find peaks rising
my tongue swirling
her eyelids flutter
hazel eyes
(more green in this light)
smiling down
love, mischief,lust
mine
love overwhelms me
and i hide
in her ecstacy
- COMMENTS
beautyandwineover 17 years agoVery hot. I love the many feelings evoked by this, and the last lines were very powerful.
duddle146over 17 years agoSmell is a wonderful element igniting inviting total recall. Bringing in the senses, particularily the verse below increases the pleasure.
sweetest scent
touches my core
makes me sigh
Unbridled_Passionover 17 years agobut your poem is very difficult to read. It feels very broken. My favorite part is
sweetest scent
touches my core
makes me sigh
sometimes it is okay to use the word "and".
LeBrozover 17 years agoWay too many adjectives detract from what could be a most impressively powerful erotic piece. This is rather subjective laden; the guidance so often seen in comments & critques applies here, "show, done't tell."
As an example, the first strophe:
"delicate curves
muted morning light
soft, smooth, warm
beautiful"
As used here, you've got 2 nouns and 7 adjectives {morning becomes an adjective when used to describe the light}. With careful editing you could knock any reader out of his seat!
