First try sestina

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270 words
4.2
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If all the world ate only berries red
surely trees would multiply not fall,
increasing forests striding to horizons
further than the naked eye could see.
Shading deserts, purple blossoms deep,
autumn leaves a hazard where they lie.

The bed where now my love does lie
feasts upon sweet cherries rosy red,
cares not that I lie in sleep so deep,
in dreamland where all must fall
and in those very dreams can see
far, far beyond waking horizons.


I see therein far stretching horizons
Tree upon tree under which I lie,
if only you were here my love to see
colours of the leaves orange also red,
to take you in my arms and gently fall
into your eyes, your smile, taken deep.

As only you know how I like it deep
spreading me showing new horizons.
your golden angel taught to fall,
all before have never had me lie
till all about me glistens silken red
and glory of my master all I see.


But wake I must for only I can see
how far I've travelled and how deep,
the forests of the night send us red
warnings, and encroaching horizons
darkened now where we did often lie
will drown us in the leaves of fall.

Cherries alone will make men fall
from the tree of life then to see
how many seeds were left to lie,
buried to grow in loam so deep.
As your seed opens my horizons
and my whole self glows ever red.


So men that fall into maidens deep
cannot see now open far horizons
lie, feast on grapes, green not red.

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twelveoonetwelveooneover 16 years ago
*

Good, I like to see this language in this form. Some of it is clichéd, but it kind of adds to the charm. Looking forward to what you do outside a form.

wildsweetonewildsweetoneover 16 years ago
poetry forum

i mentioned this submission in the New Poem Review thread in the Poetry Forum. please feel free to come along and join in with other poets. the 50% temp rating is so that it does not affect temp rates that follow - wildsweetone

LeBrozLeBrozover 16 years ago
~~

Saw this one in the forum. A brave first try. My very subjective response is that stanzas 5 & 6 seem strongest but the envoi seems a puzzle. Perhaps one day I'll have a go at the form — the spreadsheet might make it less formidable.

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