for two days I tried but

there is no nice way to say it
"fucking a stranger"

fucking a stranger
is like Ben-Gay

yes, ben gay

at the time
all about the burn
the tingle
mindless
pure sensation

leaving behind the
blissful
numbness of death,
of non-existence

I would never do this
so I must not exist,
thank God

I think this as
he rubs his lotion
into my skin

once for the numb
once for the armor

I feel invincible to the pain
held in the open palm
of my true lover,
just waiting for the clench...

numb, protected,
I feel untouchable
for about
ten minutes

which is ten more
than I had before