- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Forgiveness
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The gunmetal sky looks grim,
what little of it is left in February
5:00 o'clock in the afternoon
when a pockmarked moon,
the full man of which rises early,
makes me think of it:
That Oriental print, a sumi-e
whose ink and wash bamboo stems
embrace white nothing on rice paper.
Yet all I see is void tonight,
a black absence growing around a moon
hole in the middle. There is no snow
for my bamboo reflection,
brittle as I stare at the universe,
looking for law that governs purpose.
Our planets don't collide after all,
and if forgiveness is pure white,
why then his gunmetal end ending life?
- COMMENTS
todski28over 9 years agoyou can feel the melancholy behind the words, your explanation and I think your addition really open this poem up in a terrible and sad way.
brittle as I stare at the universe,
looking for law that governs purpose.
Our planets don't collide after all,
and if forgiveness is pure white,
why then his gunmetal end ending life?
this is my favourite part in this piece, despite all it alludes to and the sadness inherent, (your changes do increase this section in my opinion)
your questing into the existence of a god, or the god is so well expressed in your poetry the universal question we all probably ask ourselves or think about at some stage. left me feeling sad and asking of myself,
Ashesh9over 9 years agohardened criminal ???!! what society judges as pornography & an Art Lover judges as Erotica is a hair-split away from each other : 99% of Men watch pornography & the Laws to outlaw same are absurd , impractical & unscientific .
if after watching some Erotica this brave volunteer Fireman & Police Officer felt refreshed enough to jump into a blazing fire & drag citizens away to Safety I would say Bravo , please download more !!
it was after all Pres. Abe Lincoln who when told " But Gen. Grant drinks ....." said " just give me the name of his brand of whiskey & i'll send the same to all my Generals : Gen Grant wins battles & that is all I care for as C-inC !!!!"
GM the sheer unfairness of man-made Laws vs. Genetic Pre-disposition where Justice should Ever be tempered with Compassion .......thank you for giving the background : I am not much of a Poet but I Empathize deeply with Suffering Humanity anywhere & in any shape whatsoever .............
greenmountaineerover 9 years agoAuthorI'd add the following at the end:
"and if forgiveness is pure white
and bamboo's a fast growing plant that flowers
why then his gunmetal end ending life?"
HarryHillover 9 years agodrips off of this. you made me feel which I am told is the mark of a superior poem.
nice flow to the end. liked the eol choices when I went back to look at them
nice job gn
twelveooneover 9 years agoseconded in recommends, short comment there.
begging off as pressed for time. Advise reading twice then reading your comment.
You are walking on dangerous ground GM you have my admiration, there is another level here, another poem.
