- Erotic Poetry
- Friends Delve in
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I love that we can talk
And share a joke or three
I’m so glad that we met
Set our minds free
We had a build up of passion
Built over ten long years
A time to be ourselves
To put away our fears
It was so good to hold you
And kiss your soft plump lips
You felt so right
Nuzzling at my lips
We undressed slowly
Taking it all in
Until we were both naked
And about to commit a sin
We both lied there naked
While I sucked your cock
Which felt so good in my mouth
Tasting like a creamy rock
Then you buried your face in my pussy
You dived right in
Whatever happens we know
That we both will win
We kiss and you want me
Riding you on top
I’ve never done this before
But on you I hop
You kiss and suck my nipples
Gently as you enter me
Thrusting in and out
Until you cum inside me
We lie down next to one another
Kissing and holding each other close
It was nice and loving
Nothing between us is forced
- COMMENTS
normal jeanover 15 years agoI liked it, despite the rhyme, which does feel a little forced in a few places.
The phrase-"We both lied there naked" is incorrect and very awkward, should have been, "we lie there, naked" and one more tiny thing- when you wrote-
"Until we were both naked
And about to commit a sin"
the word "both" is redundant, you could delete that and have the exact meaning. Some words are clutter, especially when you are attempting rhyme. I also think that "creamy rock" is difficult for me to comprehend, to visualize, as I have never experienced cum as a rock. But, in the sense that the phrase- getting his "rocks" off, it makes sense, but not in the context you have used it.
I enjoyed your poem, just offering some bits of advice, which are, only my opinion. I wish you luck in your future endeavors, you are on your way :)
