- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Haemon and Antigone
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Click hereBeneath the branches of her once thriving willow,
she'd lie on her stomach, her cheek for my pillow,
or on the quiet green,
we sullenly met the serene;
calmly lying, after a temper's last billow,
her moist breath on my ear, my cheek for her pillow.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneabout 13 years agotrue, that was then. Regardless of the argument regarding the title, your poetry is some of the best crafted I've seen, here.
Anonymousabout 13 years agoI've found myself to be merely a garlander or garlandier(?) A writer of simple garlandy, garden variety poetry. Often I've debated with myself whether a title can subtract anything from a poem. I think it can, but not to the degree that a title can add to the quality. When Alexander Pope and Robert Browning tagged Greek names onto poems their readers would be familiar with the stories. Tagging a Greek name(s) onto an already existent poem or town or city can still add a magical quality to a poem or place of reference, in my elderly estimation. Whether it was appropriate in the case of this poem, I can't say. -WBY
twelveooneabout 13 years agoin the ways, consider the risk to reward ratio. i.e. how good was it, how involved will the reader be, to justify. Poem stands on it's on (although it could have been longer), would have done better with a different title, "Haemon and Antigone" would have functioned better a subtitle. Just my opinion, I admit I'm wrong about half the time. You can always delete comments, and keep the score.
WilliamButlerYeatsabout 13 years agoAuthorIt assumes the reader has read a few differing translations of Antigone's defense. Thank you for commenting on the content too.
twelveooneabout 13 years agoof a walk through? I don't think "billow" does it for lead in to concluding line.
"we sullenly met the serene;"
this is a nice trick, however, you might be better served by not relying on directly stating so. i.e. a lit fleshing out, instead of just the hollow bones of sound.
for the sound, and the nice tricks, score 5.
P. S. title seems to be reeking of pretension.
